Last night was weird, this guy came over who I had met once before, I went to his house a couple of weeks ago. We met online a couple of months before, he seemed pretty cool we talked for hours at a time online I really thought I felt a connection, until I met him. He is 51 never been married and from what I can gather has only been in one serious relationship that lasted about 5 and1/2 years. I felt like I was with a 15 year old! He lives in a beautiful house but is so shy that I'm amazed he was ever even in any relationship. It surprized me when he invited himself over, the weirdest thing is, I was talking to him online Tuesday, telling him about how I got dumped by this guy on Sunday and that's when he invited himself over. So he comes over, and I thought maybe if he was in my house it would be different ,but it was pretty much the same he was obviously very awkward  which made me feel like I was being a bad hostess even though I did everything in my power to try to make him feel comfortable. While we were sitting there trying to get comfortable, the phone rings and who is it but Ken, the guy who dumped me on Sunday! He had just drank a bottle of wine, he didn't expect me to answer the phone as I usually would be at work. But he proceeds to tell me how sorry he was and that he didn't know how much I liked him (I'm assuming he was referring to my upset reaction Sunday night),and that I did absolutely nothing wrong and what a great time we had and blah ,blah, blah (if I was so great why aren't we still together?) Well, in reality I wanted to tell him how much I liked him cause I can't help it, I do, and certainly more than the guy who was sitting in the next room. But something was telling me to not let him know , especially cause on Sunday I told him I was fragile, I didn't want him to have any images of me being weak . So I just said oh, no don't worry about it, I'm fine! Really I'm doing great, I just overreacted the other day.I felt it was very important to let him know I wasn't sitting around moping, if there is one thing I've learned no one likes whiny ,needy people men or woman, so I had to try to make myself look strong. Not that it probably even matters anyway. So back to my date, he is probably one of the most inexperienced guys I've been with and truthfully, I don't really feel up for the challenge, I'm way more attracted to a guy with a past someone who can teach me a thing or two. So when he finally decided it was time to leave (after midnight) the phone rings again! and it was another guy my friend has been trying to fix me up with. I told him I'd call him back. At this point I think my date was thinking I was pretty loose. Oh well. So after he left I called the other guy back and we talked til 2am. He is a really nice guy very educated and easy to talk to. My life is weird! But I'm kind of ok with it and through it all am starting to feel good about myself. I hope I  can hold onto those feelings!