OK Today is a new day ,I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends, I keep hearing the same thing over and over  "you need to know yourself and feel good about yourself before you can get into a healthy relationship", and it's true, I want to focus on everyone else EXCEPT me because I don't like what I see, but I also really do know that there is a incredible someone deep down inside me that needs to be nurtured that wants to shine, but it's all covered up with fear I guess, somehow I need to work through the pain to face it to hold it then let it go. I'll keep you posted. I never thought I would like writing in a journal but it really IS kind of therapeutic.