OK Here I go, maybe writing my feelings will help. I am so obsessed with meeting someone, I just want to be loved! I was married for 25 years to a man who adored me and I cast him aside for what? I thought for sure the grass would be greener over here that every man would fall for me just like he did. I'm such a fool! I'm realizing getting a man isn't all that difficult its keeping one that poses a problem .Even now I've met a man who I'm really attracted to who I can see potential for a long term relationship (because he's financially secure) we have this wonderful first date and I was really excited because one of the things we talked about was how bad it was to base a relationship on sex, I felt wow this could really lead to something, someone who wants to actually build something without sex. The next date we had within 15 minutes we were having sex! I tried to stop it but I must admit I wound up getting caught up in the excitement of it. The third date was amazing we went for a hike in the woods went to a park went swinging on swings had a picnic talked about everything under the sun laughed and of course had sex but it was great and we really felt a connection. He called a few days later and said how he really liked me, I was so excited! but my instincts told me not to let him know how excited I  was ,  remembering how my last relationship (2 months ago) ended, he told me in not so many words that I was suffocating him. So I said OK well let's just take it slow and see what happens he agreed and said we should slow it down with the sex as he didn't want it to be just about sex  which I totally agreed I said I don't ever want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into anything, even though that wasn't how my heart was feeling I just thought those were the right words to say. The last date was Monday night we went to the movies, and it seemed so different to me.I don't know if it's because he was kind of holding back cause he didn't want it to get sexual or what, but I left not feeling that overwhelming excitement I had on the third date , kind of let down.  but it still was a nice date  we went to the movies, before the movie we had a drink ,he had a cup of tea, I had a glass of wine the conversation didn't seem to flow like it did on the previous date but I think it was because I was feeling a little intimidated, he is a brilliant man who has bipolar,(which unfortunately for me, is a red flag) but he is extremely ambitious and I kind of felt overwhelmed when he was telling me about his days accomplishment's mine certainly didn't compare to his. however we both very much enjoyed the movie it was nice cause we both had read the book. We held hands throughout the movie and when it was over he walked me to my car he gave me a big hug and said he didn't want to kiss cause he had bad breath (even though I offered him a breath mint), he did kiss me but it was a light kiss nothing passionate (maybe he didn't want it to get sexual?) we made tenative plans to get together Sunday. I haven't heard anything from him yet. I just feel sick because  I 'm sure I said something wrong, he found someone else. Of course the reality is it's only Friday he still could call me and if he doesn't I can always call him tomorrow but the worst thing is, is the fact that I can't let it go! In reality does it really matter if its over? Why can't I just think "oh well it was fun while it lasted, if it's over, it's over"Why can't I just let go! he is bipolar for Christ sake, he'll probably eat me up and destroy me anyway . God help me!