F*CK

i just feel terrible right now, i want out, then i want in..i want out my skin but then i feel so ashamed that i do. i'm right, i know that for a fact, it's everybody else that's wrong, right? i want to take the time out to say fuck you God or Devil or who ever it is that's in charge of this world, gosh this is some real hell where i live. i'm stuck inside my mind and i just want to get out. i'm searching for that pill that'll take me out but i'm not finding it, plus i can't swallow pills. i just want to be high out my mind, i just never want to think real thoughts anymore, i hate my view on the world and all the people in it, i hate me! i've done my bid for so long why can't i just get some relief, that's why i can't whole heartedly believe in God, all that stuff in the bible can't be real cause i don't see him, EVER! and i've tried. no, i dnt have a terminal illness but if that's the basis for saying that i'm blessed than fuck it, this world is pointless. i want to accept responsibility but i dnt want to do it in their company anymore, they're all pieces of shit just like me the only difference is that they're beautiful and they're strong, and they can actually talk in public. i'm turning 19 next week and i'm still the same person that i was when i was 9. i'm stuck and being by myself is the support that i have. i would love to say that i got a bright future but i dnt, and i can't accept that. i can't accept the fact that at best i'll only be less than average, i'd rather be dead than waste precious earth space and money. i dnt know what i want to do and everybody blames me for that. maybe i could accept responsibilty if i didnt have to accept it for everything. the only people i feel bad for is my family, they have to have an omen like me around them. but just like i always say eff me and eff my life