i still am heartbroken. i'm so messed up. i watch my friends move on and fall in love and be happy. i want to be happy for them. but i can't. in my mind i know i'm so screwed up i'll never find anyone to be happy with. i compare everyone to CJ. "CJ wouldn't say that" "CJ wouldn't act that way" "CJ wouldn't wear that" i do it all the time. it's crazy and unfair to others. but who is it really unfair to? i cry again too often. i know i'll never be happy. i want someone... who is CJ's replica.. it will never happen. miracles never worked for me. i don't get a happy ending do i? my happy ending left me and i still believe i was meant to die in that accident. it was mistake for me to live. CJ was my other half and now without him i am so alone. i hate everything. i wish i could one day meet someone that i didn't wish was CJ instead. everyone is no good becus they are not CJ. and that will always be the case.... i have no hope.