sometimes i just want to give up. stop trying. i hate that being happy has become a task and smiling a chore. i don't wanna force myself to keep moving. i don't want to keep moving. what's even the point anymore? i don't really care about anything else and i wish i died in the accident with cj and i can't understand why i didn't.
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I am so sorry you are feeling as bad as you do. Please, do as you said and get some help before you are completely overwhelmed. You are a beautiful young lady and you have a life ahead of you. Take care of yourself, keep writing in your journal and get some rest. All you are feeling is natural and it is very early days for you. If you are finding it hard to talk to family and friends, find friends here on Daily Strength, they will all tell you that it gets less desperate with time. They will probably also tell you they have been in the place you are in now. I know I was. I am glad you are a friend of mine. God Bless and take care.