it's hard to find the strength to be happy around people. i don't want people to see me crying all the time and think i'm not ok. so i push past my thoughts a lot but then i have a huge breakdown by myself and i cry until i am physically wiped out. i don't know what to do with myself. cj is all i knew when it came to love. i knew how to be myself around him. i knew how to feel whole and now i just feel emptiness all the time.
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