My son

My oldest son Jacob is 13 years old. He was born at 32 weeks. He didn't have any major issues other than jaundice and he didn't want to eat from a bottle. Because of this he stayed on "vacation " for 4 weeks. 
 
Jacob didn't start showing signs that something was wrong, or that we seen as issues until he was 5. Had I known the early signs of Autism, I might been able to get him treatment earlier. We have done many things trying to keep him from being put in a residential  treatment center. We have met many family through the past 9 or so years that have had place their children. We are no different than anyone else, we just didn't want to do thar. Even with his violent  tendencies. 
 
Now at 13, my husband and I are having to face the music. Jacob is uncontrollable.  I am in fear that he is gonna become an adult and not have the tools he need. But most of all I am worried that he will cause harm to one of us. 
 
I have given my children everything  I possibly  can. Toys, bikes, electronics, elaborate vacations, nice clothes and shoes. I am ashamed that by doing this has shown Jacob that work means nothing.
 
Monday he goes to the doctor and we are gonna see if there are any summer camps that could help  him. If not we will have no other choice but to place him.
 
My heart is breaking. I have threatened  to pack up and leave. I feel like I have gone wrong in many areas and now I am reaping what I have sown. We are at the end of our ropes. We have gotten him ABA therapy, mental health therapy, and all the things in between. I am ashamed that we made the choice to not take the help at a younger age.
 
I wish that society understood what parents  like us go through.  They look at autism as something made up. They think we are crazy for thinking vaccines have something to do with our children's diagnosis.  I in no way would tell patents not to have their children vaccinated, but I would tell them, as a mother of am autistic  child. I truly believe that vaccines had something  to do. I feel that these children hold something that the vaccines trigger. 
 
Please so not judge me. I have fought, fundraised, done interviews on this. It is the hardest thing that we have had to do. But we have to do what is right for Jacob to have a functional  adulthood. Please pray for my family. Please know the facts about this medical issue, understand what we as parents are trying to do for others, and when you see a child who is being disruptive  in public, don't judge them for being brats. Know that something could be drastically  wrong with that child.