Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I miss you.  I think about you like crazy.  I think you were unfair and mean to me.  I think I deserved better, I am said because I don't think you will ever change and that you didn't care enough about me to care about my feeling and my happiness. now I just get to see you on here all the time having fun talking to people online.  You probably already have a line of women waiting for your return and a bunch in russia enjoying your single hood.  I am trying to get better for myself and love myself so I don;t feel as hurt and affected by all of this.  By your absence.  I feel like you are fine and you are stronger than me. YOu don't need to talk to me or contact me ever again.  I feel it.  I am not that lucky.  I still wish for you, think of you, and wish you would reach out.  I am going to try to be a strong girl and get through the time you are home.  It's really going to be hard for me.  But through all of this I realized something...I really loved you.  It wasn't cuz you are unhealthy, like my dad, ect. I really loved you.  I hope one day you could see how lucky you were to have my love that way.  I never gave it to a single soul as effortlessly or honestly as I gave it to you.  You meant so much to me and what you put me through wasn't fair.  I will take care of myself now and protect myself.  Cuz you never did.  I will do so by loving myself.  I hope I can get through this without embarrasing myself by talking to you or getting caught up in the external.  I needed to write this.