Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I miss you. I think about you like crazy. I think you were unfair and mean to me. I think I deserved better, I am said because I don't think you will ever change and that you didn't care enough about me to care about my feeling and my happiness. now I just get to see you on here all the time having fun talking to people online. You probably already have a line of women waiting for your return and a bunch in russia enjoying your single hood. I am trying to get better for myself and love myself so I don;t feel as hurt and affected by all of this. By your absence. I feel like you are fine and you are stronger than me. YOu don't need to talk to me or contact me ever again. I feel it. I am not that lucky. I still wish for you, think of you, and wish you would reach out. I am going to try to be a strong girl and get through the time you are home. It's really going to be hard for me. But through all of this I realized something...I really loved you. It wasn't cuz you are unhealthy, like my dad, ect. I really loved you. I hope one day you could see how lucky you were to have my love that way. I never gave it to a single soul as effortlessly or honestly as I gave it to you. You meant so much to me and what you put me through wasn't fair. I will take care of myself now and protect myself. Cuz you never did. I will do so by loving myself. I hope I can get through this without embarrasing myself by talking to you or getting caught up in the external. I needed to write this.