What is wrong with me?  Another conversation and I am left in tears.  I just want out of this!! Why can't I leave? What does he have over me that I just can't cut this hurt out of my life?  Cuz, there is so much more hurt than happy.  How can you hate someone and love them at the same time?  I was logically trying to talk to him and just talk to him, I desperatly wanted him to see my side so that he could fix it.  Nope, he called me a crazy ass, told me I'm fucking crazy, and shot down everything I said.  The highlight was when I started to cry, and he asked me if that was one of my tactics.  What is the point? Why do I even think he will understand or listen or see where I am coming from?  Because 2% of the time he does...I guess that means there's a chance.  I'm retarded.  He is upset that I haven't done anything to go to Russia nect week (that's my final deadline).  When I told him I haven't because he keeps going against his promises and treating me unfairly, he laughed.  He told me I had five good days when he was home and that's all the proof he needs to give me.  That the fight was 100% all my fault and that I made him fight like that.  There are so many unfair things he does I literally can't right them all or maybe I should....When we argue....-He screams at me-Tells me to go back to my ex boyfriend (and told me that he will bring it up forever because some of the times we broke up I remained in contact with him...but um, we were broken up and he was with so many girls no one would believe it)-Tells me to go find my "perfect man" and leave him alone.-Says totally unnecessary things that make everything worse.(ex. All my ex girlfriends treated me better than you, get it through my think fucking head asks me if I'm brain dead)-Calls me names- (disrespectful motherfucker, selfish motherfucker, crazy ass, etc)-Talks to me like I'm his enemy.Thats most of it but I'm sure there is more.  That's what happens if we have an argument, turns into that.  Its so frustrating.  I made it so clear to him that I could come out there if he didn't change that about him.  Cuz, it makes me feel unsafe and like this relationship is flimsy, and I can't leave my life and move across the world for something that is flimsy and not solid.  Well he never respected that.  He told me today that's the way he fights and there is nothing wrong with it.  After the twenty times he has told me it's wrong and he will try to change to make me happy. I tries explaining it to him today and it just kept going back to the fact that I keep moving the date to go there.  I keep moving the date back because of his actions, but he refuses to see it.  It's all me, he told me that I'm the unhealthy one and that I should have been there along time ago and everything would be fine.  HE also accused me of cheating on him because I have been distant due to all this shit.  Again, feel like I have lost my mind.  I told him what he was doing was cruel.  I told him that he makes me feel crazy when he won;t acklnowledge my feelings or anything he has done wrong, and he called me a "crazy ass" that's just mean.  He started demanding me to tell him if I was coming next week refusing to address anything I needed or wanted to talk about.  I told him that I need him to treat me right and listen to what I say, not promises of it (which this time he's not even promising me anything), he wouldn't listen...so I said yes.  He totally bullyed me, like a child!  Then he calmed down and told me that he will make me happy and got off the phone.  And I'm the crazy one!! Then sent me a text saying he was sorry he made me cry, that it makes him sick when I cry.  What a bunch of shit.  It's like when he gains control and gets what he wants the true person emerges out of his black soul.  God, I am so pissed!  I am sick of feeling this way.  He never said he was sorry, never told me that he was sorry I felt that way, never told me I was right, he was wrong, never tried to work anything out I said.  He is such an asshole.