I am still in total shock of how amazing everyone is in this support group. Every member is an inspiration. Everyone is so willing to help, it is truely beautiful. Last night I went out with my friends and thought about my ex a lot. I guess thats probably normal. I just hear his judgements within myself which is scary. For me it was the judgements that seem to really have the lasting affects. Like no matter what I am just not good enough. Good enough for what, I haven't even figured that out yet. I need to get that voice out permenetly. i told my mom all about this site and she is so excited for me. I feel like everyone in the support group is helping me to rebuild my backbone. My therapist told me that being weak is a choice. I chose to be weak with him in the past, I can choose to be strong at any point. Thats the funny thing, in anyother situation I am a very tough cookie. Any past relationship, I ran the show...until him. I completely lost control, no control. that is so frightening. So scary that I could allow myself to get to that point, over and over and over again. Another hang up I have might sound petty. He has a great career, successful, gorgeous, perfect body, wealthy, and very well known. He could get any girl he wanted, live the exciting life. I am just starting my career, not wealthy, living in the same home town (which he always made me feel like a loser for), etc. I feel like he will always win for those reasons. He will find another girl, have a million dollar home, great cars, homes in miami, and I'll still be here, writing about how much damage he has done to my life. Wow, that was quite the pitty party! I know it's petty but I'm being honest. My logical side is telling me that he has ripped me and my life apart so bad that it actually sunk in. He did exactly what he wanted to do in his moments of rage. I think his voice is still there. Mental note: Add getting his voice out of my head to list of things to do ASAP!
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Looking from the outside, in, to other peoples seemingly perfect lives would be a mistake. You would make assumptions that they have a perfect life, when who really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Or how they can\'t buy happiness, nor their sense of worth. Even rich people have troubles. My brother is one of those you described your x to be. He has the perfect barbie doll wife, with lots of money, 2 million dollar homes, 2 perfect kids, cars, etc...He is not happy. He is missing something. He doesn\'t know what. Find yourself first, and worry about him second. Tell yourself every morning something you believe to be wonderful about yourself. Do it in the mirror, to look into your eyes. Know that you can\'t fool yourself so don\'t lie. You\'ll be watching. Be your best friend. Sounds to me you just need a boost to get started...Angel...
Looking from the outside, in, to other peoples seemingly perfect lives would be a mistake. You would make assumptions that they have a perfect life, when who really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Or how they can\'t buy happiness, nor their sense of worth. Even rich people have troubles. My brother is one of those you described your x to be. He has the perfect barbie doll wife, with lots of money, 2 million dollar homes, 2 perfect kids, cars, etc...He is not happy. He is missing something. He doesn\'t know what. Find yourself first, and worry about him second. Tell yourself every morning something you believe to be wonderful about yourself. Do it in the mirror, to look into your eyes. Know that you can\'t fool yourself so don\'t lie. You\'ll be watching. Be your best friend. Sounds to me you just need a boost to get started...Angel...
oops didn\'t mean to post that twice. sorry. lol
Hi there! You replied to my post earlier.Thank you so much.It really made me feel better.I do feel like we are in the same situation.He is a really great guy.He gets along with everyone, has such a great personality.He has a great career,as a doctor.He is the one that persued me.He is the one that made me feel better and happier than anyone ever before.I think that the thing we both have to remember is that insecure men will be like that with every single woman they date.I remember a good friend of mine dated a guy years ago and split up with him because he was abusive.Years later I was talking to a girl I work with and she dated him as well and split up with him as well because he was abusive.They have a major problem and it isn\'t our fault.The thing is I do have a great life here.I\'ve lived in the same area my whole life as well.I have a great job,my own home,family and many friends here.I\'m thankful everyday for what I have...except someone to share my life with.I was willing to give up my whole life just to be with him!And he still thinks I\'m not good to him?! I just don\'t get it.It makes me so angry.I\'ve never felt so out of control in a relationship before.I wonder how I lost my power.I\'m going to a counsellor as well but it\'s not really helping.He said that I should tell the counsellor how I lie to him! Honey, we really need to talk.lol I could go on forever about the stuff he\'s done.Sometimes I forget some of the horrible things he did to me and something will remind me and I feel so much anxiety.We could have the so called \"perfect\" looking life together but nobody knows whats going on in the inside.When I first started dating him everyone said long distance never works out.But I wanted to prove everyone wrong.Things were like a fairytale for us.I was travelling across the world a few times to see him.Everyone said I was like the real life bachelorette.And here I am now, low self esteem,anxiety,and depressed feeling.I used to be such a happy person.Just remember that he will be horrible to every girl he dates.He will be unhappy forever and never experience true love.Anyway, sorry for babbling on so much but its so nice to have a \"twin\".Take care. :-)
I have to get that NOISE out of my head too. The little controller that is always there with me. I am sorry you had to deal with this for so long, and that you now have to figure out what\'s next. I have to believe we\'re in this for a reason, so I hope you figure yours out, and me too!