Today I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me.  I felt so alone in the situation with my ex boyfriend.  I felt like anyone I told, even people that have been in similair situations thought I was retarded.  I understand why, I am an insightful, logical, and intelligent girl and this same cycle has been repeating for almost six years.  I just can't get it to go away.  I finally have an opportunity to come to peace with myself (because I will never achieve peace with him) and move on.  As much as I want to erase, there are still feeling there and I miss him greatly.  But, how can I miss someone who has purposly inflicted so much pain on me?  That doesn't make sense.  That leads me to believe this is something deeper than love, this is now a psychological issue.  It's not something I can cure in a week or on my own.  So ask the universe and you shall recieve, I stumbled apon this website.  I feel now like there is a chance.  That I can stop this destructive repetitive behavior, help myself and become the winner in this war that has been going on for six years.  Everyone in the forum is so nice and sincere, it opens up a whole new world.  Maybe now when I have those moments when I let his voice back in my head, when I feel like the lowly creature he created, when I want to try again to win his approval and admiration (which will never happen), and I want to go beneath my true self and call him, I will come on this site and be reminded that what he has done is abuse!  That all the doubt he has put in my brain is false...he is an abuser.  Not someone that loves me so much they can't control how they behave, not because he is so angry he doesn't care about my feelings, not because I'm a whore, bitch, slut, weak, lying, evil, girl with daddy issues, because HE IS AN ABUSER.  It is not right and even if I am poor, alone, whatever, I am still a hundred times the person he will ever be with a better life.   I like this journal idea, I can just ramble on :)