27th Dec. Remembering the year.

Watched the movie R.rajkumar with my roommates today. Really felt helpless. I wish I had the guts to stand up to Pooja's father when she needed me. But what I did was turn my face away, trying to make her understand that this is for the best. Yes, I'm 22, and there is no way I can compete with that 28 year old fucker she got married to, but I should have done something. Couldn't run away, couldn't leave my family, couldn't risk our lives to honor killing, couldn't, couldn't, couldn't. All I feel is helplessness.
This is me, sulking when everyone is anticipating the new year, celebrating. Huh. I cried today, cried a lot, but it doesn't help. Nothing helps. I'm just hollow, not knowing what to do, moving wherever the force of life is taking me, helpless.
I kept my career before her when it mattered, she was ready to leave everything and come with me, but I chickened out. Oh yeah! Thats what you are asshole.The day couldn't be worse. don't know if I'm ever going to have a life worth living again.