where to start........well i will try to keep this as brief as possible, but it doesnt always turn out that way. anyway..... i just need a break from here for a bit. could be one day or the weekend. i am just not doing well at the moment  and i dont think i would be any good to anybody and i am just so mentally, emotionally and physically tired at the moment...i just cant do it now. everybody here has been so wonderful to me and i totally appreciate all the love and support you have all given me. trust me, it will never be forgotten. i am not closing my account so, plz feel free to message me or whatever. i will be back i promise. i will be fine so there is no need to be worried. i just need some time to get myself together. like i said before..i dont think i will be any good to anybody right now. once again i am going to be cryptic, because some things are not my place to say...but i will tell you this, i just feel as though things fell apart yesterday. i just dont knnow what to do or feel anymore. even if this didnt happen, this is a difficult time for me anyway. my late long time boyfriend of over 11 yrs's birthday next week and the anniversary of his death will be on aug 6th. that alone is bringing me down, but last night just made everything worse. i will keep my promise to him as i hope he will do for me. i hope so. i have to believe and try to live on hope and as much positivity as i can. i just feel so numb and broken down right now and i am trying my best not to cry. i have to get myself strong and my head back together, which is another why i need a break from here. if this message sounds a bit bleak, i am sorry for that. i promise i wont do anything stupid and i will by fine.  last night was just horrible. i felt so destroyed and broken down. i was feeling a bit dizzy and speedy. i guess i also had a bit of a minor panic attack that manisfested itself differently. when i tried to go to sleep late last night, the dizziness continued and i got sick. unfortunately i am one of those people whose face makes it obvious that its been sick. my face gets blotchy. so between getting sick and crying, my face looks like a wreck and i have froggy eyes, which i so hope will go away before work.  on top of everything, i am being observed and evalutated in my class this morning. it is mandatory for all teachers who teach summer school. some how, i need to shove everything to the back of my head, wear my "mask", and do the best i can to get thru the day and my eval. i am sure i will be fine today, but it will be a diffiuclt one. i am hoping to take tomorrow off. i would today...but i obviously cant. i just need a break from my hectic class.  i hope i dont worry anybody...it wasnt my intention to do so. i just needed to most of this out andlet you guys know of my break. i love all of you guys and trust me i truly do appreciate you all!!! i hope you all will have a good next few days. everybody be strong and hang in there. this is what i will try to do. mindy