yesterday started with train problems. where i was stuck at columbia university and i needed to be on the east side. the busses are all screwy up there so i had to do some waling to get to the right one. i was late, but so were many others. not a good day way start a morning. first i was told i couldnt go on the trip to the met and then i was...ok. overall the trip was fine..a little chaotic at times...but that was to be expected. nobody told me that schools were able to check there things in and i assumed as always that there would be a place inside for the kids to eat lunch...well i was wrong. i didnt bring my jacket because i didnt want to schlep it. we wound up having the kids eat outside and then play in a park next to the museum. it was chilly outside and needless to say i was cold...but whatever. that was my fault. by the time we got back...i was just so tired. by the time i got home, i was just so wiped.before we even left for for couples therapy, trey and i got into some words. we were both cranky and well it was another for us to fight. that got revolved mostly...things were calm and we went to therapy. at first things were going well. and then it wasnt. trey wound shutting down and threatened to leave. he said he was done with all of this, i said if that was true, i was done with him. he left andi was a mess. my therapist calmed me down and offered some suggestions. maybe he needs a male therapist or something. there are topics that he is very sensitive with and she doesnt feel she is really helping us if  she is being gentle and avoiding them so that he wouldnt blow up big time, shut down, or walk out. well, obviously i was really upset on my walk home. i was really hopeing he was going to be there when i got there and he was. he told me he had packed up a bag (which he did,) and that he would be out of my way soon. i just broke down. he was able to just give up like that? and i said that. i am tired of being the only one fighting for us. why is he so willing to give up so quickly? thats what he's done before. something becomes to much and he just shuts down and gives up...and that was what he was doing. all he has ever done is self sabatoge himself and i have been trying so hard to help him change his patterns.He took it differently. well long story just a bit longer...we had a really long talk and things calmed down. it left us completely drained. things for now are calm and he he isnt going anywhere. i know last nights events will stay with us for awhile...nothing is really resolved, but at least we both know whats going un between us. last night really wasnt easy. i just let everything out and i know a lot of it was hard for him to hear. somethings were not easy for me to hear...but i truly hope we can work things out from here.i woke up this morning with major froggie eyes from all the crying. we saw each other briefly this morning and for now things are still fine. just have to get thru one more day and then i can just do nothing. (well i do have some things to do around here, but at least there wont be work.) hopefully we can talk calmly more over the weekend and try to keep the peace. i never want to go thru what we went thru last night again...but who knows. im just keeping my fingers crossed.on that note. im goint to go for now. my mood will perk up as i go thru my day. hopefully it will go quickly.