another day and i still cant update my goals. i really hope that one day soon i can. they are not unrealistic..its just around me and within is stopping that.im sorry if i am sounding so blah...it just how i feel at the moment. i maybe ok...but on the inside, part of  me finds certain things hopeless. i try not to feel that way and try to stay positive...but sometimes it just feels so hopeless when things seem like a losing battle. i so hope i am wrong. so i do what i do everyday. put on a smile and pretend that nothing is wrong. i hide my emotions till i am ready to burst. that is why i think i cry so easily. i try not to let things get to me. i try not to react as best as i can...but after awhile it catches up and everything seems so bleak. i'll be fine..i always am. i just needed to let things out. there are certain things that are bothering me. trey knows something is up...but i am just too tired to talk about things now. i know i will so that i dont have to hold it in. nothing serious, just something i hate having to deal with. i really do love him so much which is why certain things just hurt even more. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. plz dont worry about me, once again i will be fine. i just needed to write this. thanks all of you for your continued support. in certain ways you all have saved my life. thank goodness for this site and you all!!! big hugs for everybody.