our couples therapy was last night. it started off rocky because trey got himself worked up into a bad mood thinking that it was going to be a bad session where he will feel lectured and ganged up upon...something that doesnt happen there. for whatever reason he doesnt like he very much and she encouraged him to tell her why. i dont agree with him...so i really dont know why he feels as he does, but what can i do. so things were heated at first but then calmed down and a lot of talking took place, and a lot of tears by me were shed. we walked out of there drained but feeling better and in better moods. we left our session behind us. we got home, he made hamburger helper enchalada mix...which was actually pretty good. we watched a couple of those vh1 "best songs of the 90's", (yes we are dorks,) and headed for bed at about 10. i read for a bit..and that was that. overall i felt it went better than expected...but there is still so much work to be done between us. at least i was able to fully express myself about how i have been feeling lately. apparently he has been much more depressed than he let on for he doesnt want to worry me. i told me that though he does go on the computer and watch tv...much of the time he just gets bored so quickly and he just ends up in bed either sleeping or just laying there. he does feel bad because he doesnt want me to think he is lazy and not care...its just that he has no motivation to do anything. so we kinda came to an agreement about how things will be for now. im just glad we talked this thing out.i WILL be going home to my parents this weekend. so i wont be on this weekend. i will hopefully have time tomorrow before i leave to come on here really quickly.now my same concerns and worries as i have explained before come back in play. on top of knowing in advance that being with my parents will be VERY STRESSFUL..ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY DONT KNOW I HAVE PANIC ATTACKS. I SURE HOPE I DONT GET ANY AND IF I DO...I SURE HOPE I CAN HIDE IT FROM THEM. IF YOU KNEW MY PARENTS...YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY. (oopsy, i typed all of that in caps...sorry. i dont have the time to fix it..so plz forgive me!) mostly though, i will be worried about trey. i know he doesnt deal very well when i am gone...which is why i know he will be drinking a lot. if this helps him this weekend, then fine. not happy about it..but what can i do. i know we will speak often. i will just be so worried about him, especially his mental state.so on top of everything, i know for me, mentally it will be a difficult weekend. ultimately i will be fine...but going through it will be hell!!! i already cant wait til i come home sunday night. oy!!!