continued from yesterday.....i had another bad panic attack out of the blue. i tried to contain it, but once again it reduced me to tears. trey was really understanding and as it was calming down, he was holding my hand and talked to me about it. he wanted to know how mine felt, i guess to compare with his. if they cont. he wants me to contact my psychiatrist about them which i will. i saw the pain in his eyes and i felt so bad. once it mostly ended, i laid down again and he stayed there with me for awhile. apparently i affected him more than i realized because he had some to drink last night. he didnt go crazy which i appreciated but now i am going to feel even worse if i have another panic attack because i will be worrying about him and drinking. i just cant get a break. i know they have been only 2, 2 days in a row, but emotionally they have thrown me for a loop. i dont get it. i have been feeling tons better...happier. but now i have to deal with this crap. its like somebody up there does not want me to be happy. i hope and i pray i wont have another tonight. i am not going to think about it or anything..but i hope thats it for now. i was feeling so much better, but now i just feel blah. i just want to get a break. I do take a klonapin when things start acting up. i know that if thinggs dont subside...i usually dont take another. i dont know why. maybe i should. its ust that my system reacts funny sometimes to meds. sometimes the klonapins work sometimes they dont. if i take more than usual...how will i react to them. i know trey will keep an eye out for me. i dont want to resort to having a beer to calm down. i know it would work...but that is ot how i want to deal with this. this morning i just really felt bad for trey. he has his own shit to deal with between his own anxiety, panic attacks, etc. he doesnt need my additional shit to worry about. we are a team and we are there for each other..but he has a hard time dealing with his own stuff, im just afraid how my stuff will overall affect him. i know he loves me and i believe it hurt him to see me in such discomfort. i saw it in his eyes last night. im just keeping my fingers crossed that they go away. i dont expect forever...but at least give me a break for a few days.now i truly understand how trey feels about panic attacks. he has had them for i believe about 15 yrs. i cant even imagine that. i dont know if i would be strong enough to deal with that for so long. i guess he is much stronger than i thought. i hope i can be too.