Again?
Been bingeing again Had been pretty good for a while, going to the gym, doing yoga etc and this week kinda fallen apart. Seeing Nic tonight, which although should and is a good thing, I feel pretty anxious when I see her these days, which is something I never in a million years thought would be the case. Waiting for more news to upset me, e.g. gigs I haven't been invited to and jaunts with her perfect friend Stacey and perfect baby Harriet, her Goddaughter. I know I am so childish here, she was actually friends with Stacey before me, so they've known each other longer..
Not sure if that's the reason for the bingeing as I didn't binge before the last time I was due to see her...have a few potential men on the go too, maybe that's why? I get nervous about stuff and turn to food, which solves nothing as we know. All I can put it down to is a subconcious self protection thing. Think I've got so scared of intimacy and getting close to someone after all the train wreck relationships and dating experiences. It's not as though I'm a virgin and not had relationships though, so I know that person I used to be is in me somewhere, she's just got scared and starts overeating with the "threat" of an actual relationship/guy who likes me. Except that's what I want isn't it? A nice chap and a family? I won't ever get these things if I keep holding everyone at arm's lenght. Ate loads last night. Cake at work, cheese pie etc at my mum's, ice cream at my mum's, bag of white chocolate buttons and several Maoum packets of sweets, then 5 slices of white bread with cheese. Not been to the gym this week or done any yoga.
Need to stop it before it gets as bad as before. Promised myself can have something tonight to take the edge of seeing Nic and potential hurt/upset, but tomorrow will get to the gym and try and stop. Fingers crossed!
Not sure if that's the reason for the bingeing as I didn't binge before the last time I was due to see her...have a few potential men on the go too, maybe that's why? I get nervous about stuff and turn to food, which solves nothing as we know. All I can put it down to is a subconcious self protection thing. Think I've got so scared of intimacy and getting close to someone after all the train wreck relationships and dating experiences. It's not as though I'm a virgin and not had relationships though, so I know that person I used to be is in me somewhere, she's just got scared and starts overeating with the "threat" of an actual relationship/guy who likes me. Except that's what I want isn't it? A nice chap and a family? I won't ever get these things if I keep holding everyone at arm's lenght. Ate loads last night. Cake at work, cheese pie etc at my mum's, ice cream at my mum's, bag of white chocolate buttons and several Maoum packets of sweets, then 5 slices of white bread with cheese. Not been to the gym this week or done any yoga.
Need to stop it before it gets as bad as before. Promised myself can have something tonight to take the edge of seeing Nic and potential hurt/upset, but tomorrow will get to the gym and try and stop. Fingers crossed!
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