I just spent some time alone with my thoughts and realized I have some very strong angry feelings about what happened to our son. I thought I was just sad, but I guess somewhere there is some mad too. I selfishly feel cheated out of his life and the perfect ending to my pregnancy. I feel cheated out of my life WITH his life. I guess it's because I would be holding my precious newborn son right now had he not lost his life a few months ago. I'm so angry at women who abuse their babies in and outside of their womb. I'm angry that our dream was ripped away from us. All we wanted was to love our son and give him a wonderful, loving family. Why is that too much to ask? I feel like I'm being told "Well you can have a perfect husband and a loving marriage, but you can't have a perfect baby, that's just too much to ask for." I pray for the fulfillment of our dream. I keep dreaming about a baby girl named Gracie, which I think is interesting because I feel like only through God's "grace" will we be able to heal from all this and find our way back to joy again. She will be our saving "Grace." I'll just pray tonight for God to take this anger from me and change it to hope. Oh, Lord... give me hope...
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I share your feelings hun on losing our perfect babies, you know as well as I do that they are in a perfect place and one day we will be with them again and stay with them forever. This life is short and this is not our home that place is where our father is, he is taking care of our babies in his loving arms. And you are not wanting too much you are a mother and that is how God designed us. I love the name Grace that is Esthers middle name and it came to me one day when I was pregnant and we couldn\'t think of a name for our sweet baby. It is a Mattew West song named \"There\'s Only Grace\" if you can find it a listen to it let me know what you think it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it now (it is one of the songs we played at Esther Grace\'s memorial service). And my litle sister was already calling her Gracie.
I agree with you both. I feel so cheated in the fact that I never got to hold my Nicholas. Never got to feed him or even change his diaper. I should be experiencing the last month of my pregnancy instead I am left empty bellied and with no baby.