just me
So, I will start off by saying my name is Shannon. I am a 26year old atheist, that resides in the state of MI. I love to write, but never do so. I journal, but haven't written a poem since I lost my brother back in 2012. That was either my first or second hardest lost I have dealt with. I say this, since I just had a miscarriage in september. I wasn't that far along. A little over two months. The pregnancy was the happiest moment of my life. To know that I finally could have my dream. The one thing I have ever wanted. However, with most things in my life, my dreams shatter in the blink of an eye. One could assume you have grown a sort of immunity to death, considering I have lost my Father, granny, brother, cousin, and a few other in between. I have always been dealt shitty hands. In school I was always the girl who was teased. From the age of 11-14 I was abused physically and mentally by the one person who was supposed to protect me. Since I was 11, I suffered trust issues, abandonement issues. I have suffered bipolar, major depression, and borderline personality disorder. I have attempt suicide, and struggle with cutting. Thos I haven't done it in a while, minus my break down, with the miscarriage.
Though, time has passed, and I've picked myself up again, it is still hard to cope with. They say that it is a common thing, and many women have one during their first pregnancy. This site has helped me quite a bit. It is sometimes hard to believe, when I know 4 people right now who are pregnant, and never went through it. Though, 2 of the 4 doesnt deserve it. It is hard for me to not think negative thoughts towards the two, when I suffered through this. I know it sounds hardh, b it it is how I feel. This who ordeal has left me feeling a bit outside of myself. I've been super moody at ti mes, and I snap when I shouldn't. Luckily, my DH has been understanding. I have to remember that it was his baby too. It is hard for me to think he understands, when he has two kids of his own. Due to reasons, he cannot see them, since they live out of state. It wasn't easy, helping hI'm pick out christmas toys for them, or hearing how he misses them, when I'm still broken inside. I suppose I am being selfish. I know I shouldn't think this way, and this ali ne is frustrating me. I feel alone as well. Like everyone expects me to quit being hurt about it. If it weren't for him telling me we vould try again, I'm afraid I would be ten times worse. I was heartbroken when my period showed up this month. I was hoping to be pregnant again. I don't know how all the cycle crao works, or the charting as well. I just go by what my app tells me. I also feel alone durinh this joirmey too, since he never really talks about trying again. I hope this month I do. Only time will tell.
Anywho, I think that sum it up for now. My fingers are cramping up. Lol sorry about the typos. Did all this on my android. I
Though, time has passed, and I've picked myself up again, it is still hard to cope with. They say that it is a common thing, and many women have one during their first pregnancy. This site has helped me quite a bit. It is sometimes hard to believe, when I know 4 people right now who are pregnant, and never went through it. Though, 2 of the 4 doesnt deserve it. It is hard for me to not think negative thoughts towards the two, when I suffered through this. I know it sounds hardh, b it it is how I feel. This who ordeal has left me feeling a bit outside of myself. I've been super moody at ti mes, and I snap when I shouldn't. Luckily, my DH has been understanding. I have to remember that it was his baby too. It is hard for me to think he understands, when he has two kids of his own. Due to reasons, he cannot see them, since they live out of state. It wasn't easy, helping hI'm pick out christmas toys for them, or hearing how he misses them, when I'm still broken inside. I suppose I am being selfish. I know I shouldn't think this way, and this ali ne is frustrating me. I feel alone as well. Like everyone expects me to quit being hurt about it. If it weren't for him telling me we vould try again, I'm afraid I would be ten times worse. I was heartbroken when my period showed up this month. I was hoping to be pregnant again. I don't know how all the cycle crao works, or the charting as well. I just go by what my app tells me. I also feel alone durinh this joirmey too, since he never really talks about trying again. I hope this month I do. Only time will tell.
Anywho, I think that sum it up for now. My fingers are cramping up. Lol sorry about the typos. Did all this on my android. I
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