Hello to anyone who cares to walk with me on my grief journey you are very special to me.Hello carole and Mom if you are with me and hear me, carole I need you my darling Please come show me your here soon.Tonight was the support group.. I feel so foolish but I broke down tonight and had to leave the room for a moment.People probably think I am so stupid, I just could not take it anymore the guy was explaining the last day of his father, and the last day I lost carole was the worst day of My life.I talked to the counsuler when people left, and he says Im obviously still in deep grief.I thought I was dealing with it, but that day, Oh God that Day, please don't make me think about it, I lost my beautiful baby girl and it was not supose to happen.I recounted it for the counsuler, she had this frightened scared look on her face, I told her I had kept her up all day and it was ok if she got some sleep,.. she closed her eyes and shortly after died.I can't go into more then that, Im afraid of breaking down again, and I just don't want to.Today has been Frought was good feelings and then ending on bad.The good today was I sent the last car Payment hopefully there Books agree with mine and I won't be hurassed by them anymore looking for payments.Also the Income Tax return came, so I paid the Utility Bills, I feel so good about that, and Hope my paycheck on Thursday will allow me to pay the past due property tax so they won't be taking our house, then I will work on the current taxes and paying dad off for taking care of carole for me.Dad is not making me happy lately, but I won't let that get in the way of paying him back that was something so special in my heart, so special what he did for me, I will repay him if it kills me..Work is unbarable, Im probably going to get fired very soon, I don't have a backup but I refuse to worry about that, I simply refuse. Just like Im refusing to curel up into a furry ball everytime they give me requests, Im really getting tired of the shear abuse.I have been told to go to a store this week and train someone to do my job, isn't that special,.. very cleaver I would say, yes they are getting prepared to let me go I believe, they say they just want to free me up for other tasks, but I think it's Insurance for them Most cleaver..Well, got to go, thanks for being in my corner,.. Carole if Your here, please don't forget, a Sign again soon please,.. and "I Love You"! Michael
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