...I want to write how I'm really feeling right now but my head feels like its in a vice with a million thoughts running through it. I'v tried so hard to heal myself but I just can't seem to feel better. When I talk to those closest to me they tell me to let it go or just not to think about how I feel. I try to just pick up the pieces and tell myself I'm ok but it slips through my hands like water. I find it harder and harder to remember things, its like my mind just gets wiped even when I really want to remember. I sometimes start talking but lose myself and forget what I was trying to say. It happens quite a lot actually. I don't let on and try my best to continue on, feeling really embarrassed and frustrated that it happened again. I forget words and things I know very well, which makes me look like I have no idea what I'm talking about or just plain odd. I feel like I must be losing my mind. I keep feeling an increased sadness and anxiety inside. Failure seems to be the only thing I see in myself and I can't seem to shake that image from my mind. I feel uncomfortable around people now that I seem to have developed this amazing trick of forgetting what I'm trying to say. I feel this constant stress and anxiety in my chest and sometimes feel a sharp pain. I find I have lost so much of my drive and energy...
     I have tried to fix myself, I regularly workout, put together pictures of positive things in my life or goals to aspire to, I sometimes try to just lose myself in a good book or even a movie. These things really only give momentary relief though and I always feel this upset deep inside.