I let people know that I want to write my brother, so I did I would like to share it with you all, I hope I don't sound to harsh.
Dear Helmut,
This is hard for me to write, but I need to get it out of my system. Where do I start? I guess it started when we were young; you were dads favorite kid and always got what he wanted. Then there is Phillip, dads second favorite son. So then you have me the daughter dad never wanted because I was a girl, and you know he hated women.
We will not say anymore what dad has done to me because we know what he has done to me. For god sack you and Phil new I was not in his will, how bad is that.
I have even told my kids Im not sure if I will even go to dads funeral, because I know if I died before him he would not show. That man has no love.
Im not sure if you know or not that when Scottie & Trisha was younger I had a breakdown from my childhood. Thought you might like to know this.
Though the years it still remains this way. I have worked hard for everything I have and raised 3 kids by myself, with no help from dad. I still get know help from dad.
Then we have you, the brother I thought I was close to, I thought wrong, for so many years I have call you on your Birthday and wished you Happy Birthday, You call me, no!
Every year I call dad and do the same plus wish him Happy Valentine days, does he ever call me, no! Why am I the one to always call? For Phillip there was never any thing there, for me to call because we were never close.
The whole thing about this, is Im alone in this world with know family but my kids. You have no idea what it is like to have a father, but not have a father. I was so glad to have mom. Now she is gone and Im more alone.
When you found out that I had HIV, yes you came to see me for a bit, I bet it was hard doing it though. The thing that hurts so much is that, have you even called to see how I have been? Let me answer that for you, NO. Do you have any idea know how that feels?
I then ask you to ask dad for help, so I would not have to live on the streets and lose everything I have. I asked you to call be back, who had to call back? Let me answer this for you again, ME.
At times I say to my self did you even ask dad? But then I say to myself he did.
Everyone thinks Im a disease, and dont talk to me. I even more alone then when mom died.
There is so much more then this, but I would have to write a book to get everything out. I just need to move on with my life and get thing off my back. This is one of them.
I dont want to hurt you by saying this, but I see a lot of dad in you.
Do me a favor please dont bring this up to Barb and the kids, this is between us.
Also you need not to call.
Sincerely,
Mary
Dear Helmut,
This is hard for me to write, but I need to get it out of my system. Where do I start? I guess it started when we were young; you were dads favorite kid and always got what he wanted. Then there is Phillip, dads second favorite son. So then you have me the daughter dad never wanted because I was a girl, and you know he hated women.
We will not say anymore what dad has done to me because we know what he has done to me. For god sack you and Phil new I was not in his will, how bad is that.
I have even told my kids Im not sure if I will even go to dads funeral, because I know if I died before him he would not show. That man has no love.
Im not sure if you know or not that when Scottie & Trisha was younger I had a breakdown from my childhood. Thought you might like to know this.
Though the years it still remains this way. I have worked hard for everything I have and raised 3 kids by myself, with no help from dad. I still get know help from dad.
Then we have you, the brother I thought I was close to, I thought wrong, for so many years I have call you on your Birthday and wished you Happy Birthday, You call me, no!
Every year I call dad and do the same plus wish him Happy Valentine days, does he ever call me, no! Why am I the one to always call? For Phillip there was never any thing there, for me to call because we were never close.
The whole thing about this, is Im alone in this world with know family but my kids. You have no idea what it is like to have a father, but not have a father. I was so glad to have mom. Now she is gone and Im more alone.
When you found out that I had HIV, yes you came to see me for a bit, I bet it was hard doing it though. The thing that hurts so much is that, have you even called to see how I have been? Let me answer that for you, NO. Do you have any idea know how that feels?
I then ask you to ask dad for help, so I would not have to live on the streets and lose everything I have. I asked you to call be back, who had to call back? Let me answer this for you again, ME.
At times I say to my self did you even ask dad? But then I say to myself he did.
Everyone thinks Im a disease, and dont talk to me. I even more alone then when mom died.
There is so much more then this, but I would have to write a book to get everything out. I just need to move on with my life and get thing off my back. This is one of them.
I dont want to hurt you by saying this, but I see a lot of dad in you.
Do me a favor please dont bring this up to Barb and the kids, this is between us.
Also you need not to call.
Sincerely,
Mary
Replies
It sounds like you were close to Helmut at one time, Mary, no. Maybe he\'s just having a hard time dealing with the diagnosis and also needs to make his own peace with it. Now that you\'ve got this off your chest, do you still feel the need to send him the letter? Unless you already sent it. I don\'t know. I\'m just trying to play devils advocate here, but if he is the only family member you are remotely close to you may want to set the letter aside or rethink the wording. Just my opinion, of course. I completely understand much of what you said in it, but that would be awful if it severed your relationship with your brother. Anyway, I wish you luck with this. I\'m seeing a therapist on Tuesday. When she called me back, she asked why I wanted therapy and I started my story and was choking back tears. There are so many issues I have to work out, guilt over things in the past I either did or didn\'t do. Guilt over family stuff, etc.....Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Just a suggestion, but I\'ve found that they do help sometimes. Anyway, gotta go. Getting very very sleepy. :-) Have an X-cellent Monday!
Dan
Yes , we were close at one time, years ago. I don\'t think he\'s haveing a hard time with my HIV. Him out of life has been going on. Me haveing HIV just made it worse.(IF that made any sence).
Yes, I sent it to him, did I cry just for a bit. I have always wanted to bring this stuff to him, because he is a shitty person like my dad.
I do feel much better that I know he will finally Knows how I feel.
I have ssen a therapist before, all they do is look at the clock, that was a trun off.
Well i\'m back off to bed, sleep good. Mary
I say send the dam letter and get them out of your life,if he wants to be.these are issues that have been bothering you for years. your brother needs to know how you feel.how much can it hurt,he doesnt stay in touch anyway. you might even get some sort of reply.and find out his true feelings about you. either way it goes,you have us!have a good day sweetie