Here is part two. As you read in my last journal, you could tell that my brothers never got hurt from my dad. One of my brothers was my dads favorite, he got ever thing he wanted, and now my older brother is getting every thing. My father has never helped me or gave me a dime. (Besides a beaten). I always told my self that when I have kids I will never treat them the way my dad has treated me. And to this day, Im nothing like my dad. As for my brother they are lazy asses and treat there wife like shit, no they dont beat them, just in every other aspect. When I was 14 that is when I lost my virginity to a guy that was 5 years older them me, yes he was my first love. The when he left me for my best friend (we were like sister) and we know longer to this day talk. When her parents passed she did call to talk I guess she needed comfort, and when my mother passed away she just showed up, and yes, that was the last time I saw her. After that I started seeing my exs brother, and sleeping with his older brother, I think my dad really fucked my life up. I think I was looking for someone to love me, But now I dont believe it was love just wanted a man to love me, because of what my dad had done to me. (I think you get this point). I was drinking at this age and started doing some drugs. I did drugs off and on until about 7 years ago. Now I only drink here and there. I did see other guys until I was 18, and that is where I met the father of my 2 oldest kids. He was a peace of shit father and owes over One Hundred Thousand in Child Support. But I loved my kids. When I left him, I was still sleeping with who would want me. (But I never had any STD, I was lucky until now). I think I will stop here. I will write again. Mary