frustrated!!!!!!

Okay - maybe I was the instigator and maybe I wasn't.  I'm not sure.  All I know is that T wanted to use my computer laptop to tune his guitar and I told him no.  The last few times I've let him use it he got onto some awful sites.  He told me he wouldn't this time but he's said that before and did anyway.  Well, he didn't like it so he swore at me. My hubby thought I was wrong and let T continue ranting and swearing.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe I was looking for trouble? Maybe I'm harboring some resentment toward my husband for giving our son what ever he wants?  For giving him a large sum of money (from the $ he earned this summer working for my husband's friend) and not talking to me about it beforehand.  Instead he tells my son to ask me if it's alright if he can get an advance on the rest of the money until the boss pays him the rest - putting me on the spot.  I went along with it and gave T more money because I'm tired.  I'm tired of being the heavy and asking my husband to work with me.  It hurts and I believe it's destructive when my husband immediately and obviously sides with my son. He did that two years ago when the courts ordered treatment - blaming me for being responsible for the whole thing because I reported our son's behaviors to his support system (including his probation officer).  My husband was very open with my son about not agreeing that he needed residential treatment at that time.  Talk about creating a bigger wedge between my son and me.  I am still trying to get over the hurt my husband caused me then.
Maybe this weekend of partying at the "drug fest" concert/camp grounds got to me, knowing that we provided the cash for it.  And then to add insult to injury ~ T left a note telling us not to wake him up in the morning for school.  No surprise.....
Most of the time I just go with the flow - allowing my son to overstep my boundaries because it's easier.  But sometimes - I just can't.  Sometimes I make the decision not to give in but my husband perceives it as me just being difficult and a troublemaker.  I am getting to the point that I just don't care what my husband thinks anymore.  I have feelings and I count.  I will admit that it does hurt when my husband protects our son - listens to him but not me.  Maybe it's because he's protecting the little boy in him when his mom drank when he was a child?  Who knows?