One Day At A Time

Okay - I am glad I wrote the letter.  I know somewhere deep inside my son knows I love him even though he isn't or can't return or show it right now.  I know it's because he's struggling with his illness, his immaturity, and the message my husband is showing him (again) are reasons why he's back to some of his old behaviors.  
My dear husband, my forgiving husband, my nurturing husband - so kind - is thinking with his heart and not his brain right now.  Which means he's not entirely listening to me.
 After I wrote the letter our son's attitude improved.  He seemed to want to make an effort to try harder by helping out and being more pleasant.  Then my husband takes him out and they had a long heart to heart talk together.  T-Man told him that one of the reasons he had been so difficult was because he was in a deep state of depression.  When my husband asked him why he didn't come to us he said that he thought he could handle it himself.  He also said that he didn't want us asking him every few minutes - how he's doing.  Of course, my husband addressed that.  
So - husband comes home - feeling great.  I hugged him telling him that I was glad they connected and then -  T asks for his dad for $10 for a movie.  He gets it.  The next night - "Oh Dad - all my friends are going to a concert.  Can I have $25?"  "Sure son. Just make sure you do some work later to work it off."
Later - Mom: "I have some simple chores for you to do before you leave".  Son- "Not until you go and buy me cigarettes." 
Frustrating because he's back to asking Dad for whatever.  I guess my husband isn't upset that he took $600 + from him anymore.......  
UPDATE:  We went to our support group tonight and it was very helpful and comforting. And it did help knowing that everybody in our group can relate to our situation of not being on the same page.  All of them are "seasoned" parents of addicts and said it took YEARS before that happened.  Years?  I hope that doesn't happen in our case!  YIKES!