OKay - we learned something.  No friends in the basement if we can't be there every minute.  The day before was fine with friends.  Last night -- his eyes looked glassy.  He claims it was from the niacin he took so he could flush out his system of pot.  He has his court hearing in a few weeks and thinks he could get tested.  I looked up niacin on-line and although this drug isn't used for this particular "problem" it did list the side effects he said he had....itching, flushing, etc.  Nowhere did it say ....glassy eyes.  I later got on line (read his instant messaging) and saw that he indeed do something.  One of the "friends", I never met before is the one who supplied him.  I wanted to sit down with T to lay out some ground rules before we allowed any friends in the house but my husband didn't want to sit with me to do it.  It isn't that my husband doesn't care, he is just good at avoiding things.  If there isn't a problem at the moment....there isn't a problem.  He doesn't look ahead - he isn't proactive.  His mom is a recovering alcoholic and that is how he and his dad handled things.....ignoring them.  To some degree it's healthy but when it come to parenting.....there are some things you can't ignore.  After I read my son's instant message, I told my husband that we HAVE to sit down with him.  We have the power - let's use it.  He now agrees. This morning didn't turn out very well.  T got up and took a long shower.  I told him that he had to hurry if he wanted to be on time.  He took his time, it was getting late, he wanted more waffles (he ate 4 - don't know where he puts them he's so slender) and then it got late.  He then wanted me to call in an excuse for his tardiness.  I told him no but after the scene he made (swearing, calling me awful names, kicking the van door), but the fact that he's doing his homework, and going to school, I gave him a break - telling him it's the last time I am going to help him with this.  He would have had to go to juvenile detention because he isn't allowed any school detentions, suspensions, etc.   The good overrode the bad....but it's the LAST time.  What a way to start out the day..........  I am determined that the rest of the day will be better!