Got on the treadmill today.  Playing soccer twice a week isn't enough.  I am determined to get some kind of exercise every day.  Once I get into a routine......it will be fine. Husband back to work today.  He took the holiday break to be home.  It's been sooo nice having him here.  I miss him.  Oldest son, S, went back to school.  We both took him back.  This was my first opportunity to see his dorm because I didn't want to leave the house for any significant period of time because of T.  Well, it was worth it even though T had "friends" in the house.  Our son, S, has his own dorm because he's a RA.  It's new, big, and beautiful!  The bathroom and closet is bigger than his own at home!  And he doesn't have to share with anyone!  It really wasn't a plus for him, at first, and I'm hoping he'll be okay. Being alone really put him in a depression - his grades slipped, he didn't feel like doing anything but I think he'll be fine now.  He made some resolutions and seemed determined to be successful with them!  I sensed he had some peace and excitement about the new start!  He needed the break away from there!  Oh....and I think his mission trip to Costa Rica certainly helped!  He went right after school break and then arrived here on the 23rd.  He had all kinds of stories and pictures to show us...it was so.......heart warming! J, our middle guy, had his last day of work at the brokerage firm the Friday before Christmas.  They just needed him at the end of the year.  That job gave him a sense of purpose and he really enjoyed it.  I hope my hubby can find another one similar to that for him.  He also works as a part-time dishwasher so having another job like that wouldn't be as uplifting.  He's determined to work and save and then make some decisions about going back to school.  We want him to be ready and willing, otherwise it could flop again.  He told my husband the other day that he was so stupid in high school and in his first year of college that he didn't take it seriously.  He thought of it as a BIG joke.  Our guy is starting to grow up! And then there's T.  There is such a distance between him and us and it's very unsettling and uncomfortable.  As much as we try to reach him, he pushes us the other way.  We are so frustrated that he can't be helped now.  For all we know, he could have an underlying depression issue but he refuses to cooperate in any way.  I found a source I can call to get some advice on this matter.  Perhaps we can get the court to issue an evalution.  I am confused about this because I get conflicting information from the same people.  I'm told that a person's depression or mental health disorder cannot be revealed until they are clean (completely off of drugs) so that a true assessment can be made.  On the other hand, when I tell them I've seen some "talk" on line about how depressed he feels sometimes...they are the first ones to say that maybe he should be evaluated.  Confusing.  I have an phone number I can call ......maybe I can get some good advice about it.......  *I know the drugs themselves can cause depression but that doesn't mean that there is an underlying problem.  I also know that some take drugs to self-medicate, but some (kids because they are an impulsive bunch) take them for kicks and then find themselves addicted.  Whatever....it is a process.