When I came home from my Al Anon group my husband said he talked to J (the college freshmen son) and J told my hubby that he is not doing well in school at all.  We received our son's bank statement (my name is on the statement w/ J's) and when I looked at it, I didn't like seeing what I saw.  My husband didn't either and called J.  According to this statement, our son was all over the place during the week (not in his college town) and was making some pretty hefty withdrawls from the ATM.  J then admitted that he is failing school.  He says he can't concentrate and is having a difficult time trying to discipline himself to do his school work.  He was upset because he felt he let us down by wasting our money.  I knew he wasn't ready.  He still has issues with his depression and now he seems to have a drug related problem, too.  So he will be coming home.  I have mixed feelings but I am relieved.  I knew in my gut he wasn't going to be able to handle it just yet.  But I also knew he had to see for himself whether he could do it or not.  He is a very smart man and will do well once he matures and gets himself on track.  I am not worried about him.  He's just not ready and that's okay.   T isn't home yet.  Not a good sign since he said he was going to school in the morning.  What's another day? BTW -  Just so you know......this whole situation ...with J and T is still so surreal to me.  Life used to be so simple.  All our boys were doing very well.  They were happy, they were well behaved, and they've had many successes.  I've learned a lot about myself since we started having our struggles with the boys' behavior, drug use, etc.  I learned that I used to be judgemental of our kids' behavior and the parents who parented them.  Everyone has a story and unless you walk in their shoes....you have NO WAY of knowing what is really going on.  It's funny, that the more I write about T and now, J, the more unbelievable this situtation is.  It has really humbled me.  I used to think I was a compassionate person but now I REALLY know I am.  I've learned a lot and I'm still learning.......