Well -- I woke up extra early this morning......mind racing ....thinking of T, of course. I woke up thinking about the different rehab "options" there are out there. "Our" drug counselor said she'd recommend inpatient rehab and the other day, Kev - the detective - said he would too. I already know he needs it but our local inpatient rehab (an hour drive away) offers short term stay compared to the wilderness type of programs. I just finished reading a book called "Come back". It's a mother-daughter memoir about the journey - struggles and eventul triumphant - of the 16 year old daughter's addiction. She went to a rehab center called Spring Creek Lodge - what an intense program. Something T could use. Another program called Wilderness Rehab Center is one someone I know from Al-Anon whose son went through the program. Her son is now doing extremely well as a result of that program. He is in college (dean's list) and is studying to be a rehab counselor. Both of these programs are in Montana. I know there are all kinds out there....but I have to take one step at a time. Can't hurt to make some phone calls, however. Oh......another reason my mind was racing is because the high school principal turned down the speaker for mental health I had suggested. This topic isn't as pressing as the subject he feels will help the greater population of the school. Although the school is a high achieving school - apparently there is a large # of students who are not motivated. Maybe it's the attitude of some of the teachers? I understand they have a load but I also know that there are some awesome teachers who do an amazing job of motivating students. I guess the principal chose to have a motivational type of speaker. Who knows? Guess I shoud have asked the curriculum teacher who they got instead. In our experience with the negative attitude starts with the principal, my son's guidance counselor, and ends with the teachers. How can so many people be wrong about my son? Because they don't understand anything about depression. Oh....they think they do but they really don't. When my son was diagnosed with deep depression, I went to the school with the diagnosis and asked that the school drop some of the classes he was struggling in, and also be given extensions on his work load. Some classes were dropped -- and at the time....I thought we were getting some support from the school. I say "some" because I suspected from the marjority of the teachers that they did not believe he had depression even though he had a diagnosis and was hospitalized for it. When I sensed the attitude, I e-mailed the school principal requesting a 504 plan. It was a Sunday and within a half an hour of that e-mail -- he called me at home telling me that a 504 wasn't necessary because the school would work with him. Right. Two weeks after our son's release from the hospital, I received an e-mail from his calc teacher. She and I had been keeping in touch by e-mail and phone -- making sure that my son was getting caught up and continuing with the current work. There were some e-mails from her saying that she was afraid to approach him sometimes during class because he seemed so down. The more e-mails I received from her, the more frustration I sensed she was experiencing. I could understand her frustration -- and I know he could. The e-mail she wrote to me two weeks after his released was very telling. She wrote that she expected him to pay attention the entire 90 minutes of class (he doodled) and if he "chooses" not to go to her for help everytime (he was sporatic about it) than she will refuse to help him. She said that it's a privilege to receive help from her. Obviously, she didn't bother to see what he was doodling. How about "I'm so sad"? I have the dated paper to prove it. I didn't know at the time what he was writing - found it later. When I "complained" to the guidance counselor (who was very patient with me) said that the school was having a difficult time believing my son had depression because he was very social with his friends and continued to stay in all the activities he was in. How was I supposed to answer that? Even though he had every symptom on "the list", he didn't have the obvious one. Well -- I've learned a lot since then and feel that the teachers should be educated about it. And we experienced this WITH a diagnosis! I wasn't asking them to diagnose nor was I asking them to "treat" him .....just to work with him. What is so frustrating to me is that I assumed way too much. I thought if I met with them...explaining my son's symptoms (he doodled in all his classes) and gave permission to the school to contact his psychiatrist and/or counselor that my son would be helped. I was so wrong. Both the principal and the guidance counselor said that they thought my son was bipolar. And that means what? Even though they thought that...doesn't that mean something in itself? Did that mean that if he was bipolar that he didn't need to be helped? That didn't make sense to me. My son was only down to two classes at the time and the other teacher had "the attitude" also. She refused to give him an extension on a paper (he was getting A's in her class) because she said that she explained tothe students at the beginning of the semester that there will be no extensions! He was crying at the computer here at home because he couldn't concentrate. She finally relented but gave him a bad grade anyway. Not every teacher in the school was like that. We had two extremely supportive teachers there at the school. Unfortunately, they were out numbered and had to secretly talk to us. And they both knew about depression. One teacher lost a former student to suicide - after he had graduated. He was a top-notch student but she knew he was struggling when he left high shcool. The other teacher experienced depresson himself and understood.
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I\'m very, very sorry to say this, but I must: I find myself more likely to side with the teachers, at least most of them. I identify completely with that Calculus teacher. Calculus is a very difficult subject even for students who come to class every day, pay attention, come for extra help, etc. Personally, I do not see why he is even taking Calculus if he cannot handle it. I was a \"good\" teacher, like most, not a Ron Clark. Actually, there are very few of them. Teachers are held accountable by what their students produce. It\'s the \"No Child Left Behind,\" which actually leaves children behind. If too few of his/her students pass the advanced placement test or whatever, job is in jeopardy. Fortunately for me, I was in a position that I could risk my job, so I did and tended to the students as I saw fit! I wonder, too, how helpful those two \"supportive\" teachers really were. A lot of teachers know how to \"play the game\" so as to keep themselves out of trouble and the principal\'s office. I do not want to down those teachers. They probably really do care, but then why did they have to talk with you \"in secret\"?
I still worry for you and your son and I understand how frustrating it is for you fighting the terrible systems that we have in place.
I do NOT claim to know how you feel, but I do sympathise! I\'ve seen parents in situations similar to yours, come in a cry and I was powerless to do anything significant about it.
I do not know the solution! Man, I wish I did!
I can relate to the \"keeping up appearances\" part of the depression. Our son, by anyone\'s account, is outgoing, responsible, social -- good grades, goes to work, hangs out. Yet, he is worn to the bone keeping up appearances; he sleeps at least 12 hours everyday, he eats very little, his feeling at home are tender and his outlook about himself is \"glass is half empty\". But he is well aware of the cycle of his depression and what they take out of him. I admire his ability to keep up with the routines of life; even when the quality of life SUCKS!
Life is more than routines and his condition is serious, if not life threatening. Now that we know about his condition, we can support him better and hopefully avoid suicide. Certainly, love is not enough - medication and therapy are our best allies to support his efforts to alleviate the depression. My guess is that if we had not confronted him that we would have had no idea about his condition until he died.
With that said, I can understand why teachers don\'t \"get it\". So much of depression doesn\'t look like the classic textbook case; further so many of the symptoms look like stereotypical teen behavior. If you cannot demonstrate an educational need (that\'s when they are failing, not beforehand) you have a real problem getting support. Frankly, 504 doesn\'t cover it; ARD with a diagnosis (ED) and get the discharging psychiatrist and other MD to identify appropriate accommodations. It is the ED label that makes it happen; when we don\'t want a label, we don\'t get service. Sad but true. Until there is widespread parity in health care coverage, I don\'t think you will have the necessary attitudinal shift that mental illness is just as real as a physical illness.
Olelady\'s comments also apply in this part of the country as well. NCLB testing here, means that every kid must test at gradelevel -- there is not incentive of any kind to make an accommodation. Instead, focus on those that will pass this as well as the other tests that are indicators of quality in the schools (Standford, PSAT, SAT, AP, ACT).
These are the kind of issues that drove my husband out of the classroom. He was trained to teach -- these other issues (socio-economic, parenting issues, food, shelter, clothing, mental health, sexuality, drugs, guns, gangs, etc. etc. etc) are beyond his expertise. Unfortunately, outside of the school nurse (on the days she was there) there is/was no one to make a referral to other than CPS. In this state, the system is so overburdened, you need to know that the child is in imminent danger (no one would otherwise wish that system on a child!). Teachers, care about the kids but they cannot be all things (parent, social worker, counselor, cop, etc.) even if they wanted to. It\'s no wonder that the average length of service is now 5 years or less. . .
OK, off the soap box, I feel your frustration both as a parent of a teen with depression and spouse of an educator.
Gosh, not very helpful comments. A mental health inservice for teachers would be helpful for many and benefit some students as well. The issue is that they need to see that it matters in their world. Would proper diagnosis and accommodations make an impact on the NCLB testing or daily attendance reimbursement, graduation rates or some sort of risk management cost avoidance? It\'s very telling that the professional counselors (MA, PhD) in the school system aren\'t pushing for this or even \"doing their own thing\".
In the meantime, do not give up on the idea. Look for other influential groups to make the presentation to --- Rotary, Chamber, HR Associations, School Nurses, etc. (network for other opportunities).
In the meantime, we hear your frustration and disappointment!!! Can you let it go for awhile, I just don\'t think you need to have this on your plate right now?! Focus on YOU, gather up your strength and resources, so that you can get through this difficult time with your family. TAKE CARE
Good luck with everything & I hope T gets better!
take care!