Well.....today our 2nd son (JM) went off to college for the first time.  I couldn't go because I have to guard the fort, so to speak.  It saddens me that I couldn't go with him.  JM asked me why I wasn't going and told him.  I haven't even seen the college yet!  I told him I will see it when we have to drop him off after his court hearing.  Looking forward to that.....NOT.  I really enjoyed having JM around.  He is a great kid.  I will miss him as well as worry about him.  Will he remember to take his medication?  Will he take care of himself?  The biggest concern is getting up in the morning/afternoon on his own for his classes?  This will be the test and hopefully he will rise to the occasion and take the responsibility.  Also today our oldest returns from a Christian camp he's volunteered for for a month.  It's too bad he didn't come home a little earlier to see his brother off.  It will be so wonderful to have my oldest home (SC).  SC will be home for a week and then he will be off to college, going into his junior year.  Normally his school starts mid September, but since he earned the RA position he needs to go back early.  This time he'll have his own large air conditioned room with his own bathroom.  I'm very happy for him.  Obviously, we don't have to worry about this guy.....honor student...dean's list....makes good decisions.... balanced.  I will certainly miss him when he leaves.   Then we have our baby  T-Man.  He IS such a baby that has spun so out of control that it scares the .......out of me!  I'm just counting the days because that is all I can do at this rate.  Hopefully, we will be hearing what the next step will be with him, shortly.  I spoke with "our" drug counselor yesterday and she said that at the next assessment my son will have, we will need to (actually she will)  reveal to our son that we have been recording his conversations.  She said if we don't, she will not make any progress with him.  My husband doesn't want to do it because that's our lifeline as to what he is doing.  I understand what he's saying because I feel the say way, but.....unfortunately...there is nothing we can do about the information we know anyway.  My husband thought that we can take a few printouts of his conversations saying that he had left his IM open and that was when we recorded.  I'll see what the counselor says about that.  She said she wants to talk to my husband.  I will be glad to stay out of this.  I have mixed feelings about it. Oh.....and then on top of everything I will not be returning to my job in the fall!  The school I worked at for the past 10 years is closing.  I am sad about that.  I loved teaching those darling 3 - 5 year old children.  It was a private school and, unfortunately, because of the over saturated market, our enrollment went down.  We had a few strikes against us......moving our location, construction, faculty changes..etc.  Ironically, my girlfriend has been trying to encourage me to quit this job so I can concentrate on my son and be available for him when needed.....court dates, appointments..etc.  I know what she's saying but this job would have been a good distraction for me.  Oh....well.  There is a reason for everything and I am not going to worry about this right now.  A parent of one of the children I had.... called and thanked me for the wonderful experience her daughter had.  She was actually crying.  It was so sweet of her to care so much.  We used to joke that she was our resident physician ....being a doctor....she had come in handy if we had any questions about any health concerns.  She has the biggest heart of anyone I know.....I will miss her.  She was planning on sending her youngest to our school.  It warms my heart that the student's parents are so sad about it.  I feel more numb than sad....fortunately or unfortunately, because what is going on in my life now, anyway.  Although we will miss the extra income right now..... maybe it's a good thing this happened considering the circumstances......