okay --
i don't feel so good right now. I feel like crap. Please .....someone tell me I did the right thing or .... i don't know..
this parenting thing is wearing me out. 
my youngest son hates me. long story short....I pressed him to cut the back lawn. He did the front and had promised to do both today. his excuse for not doing both was he wasn't feeling well........ yet well enough to go to the beach. Should have not pressed the issue since he's been doing so well? I gave him the option to cut the lawn or go to the beach BUT if he goes to the beach without cutting the lawn....my husband would turn off my son's cell and take the computer out of his room. He hung around the house (seemed like he was deciding what to do) and then checked his backpack.....discovering that I took his cigarettes out of it. He insisted that I give them to him ....swearing and yelling at me. I refused. He screamed in my face, swearing. I told him if he continued, I would call the police. I did and he went ballistic taking liquor out of the cabinet and took off. I am so sick of this. Did I provoke this and let it go too far? I feel like a real loser. I don't know what to do anymore.
Replies
What a terrible day for you! You did what you thought was best at the moment. Going forward, consider having the therapist you are using to help you and your husband line out written expectations and consequences and post them; this may help to alleviate the \"surprise\" and associated escalating emotions. For example, no chores, no leaving the house; Running away, contacting the police\' no homework, no phone that night, and so on. Finally, you may want to consider removing all alcohol from the house -- on general principal, we wanted kids to be able to come over and not feel pressured to drink or smoke, etc. As a result, we restricted the alcohol at home. We only bought as needed for a dinner party, we designated Friday as date night for drinks out and had on hand a measurable six pack of beer at any given time. It sounds drastic, but it gave me peace of mind that we weren\'t contributing to any teen\'s drinking......and in these days, it is also a liability issue.....
You are not a loser, you are a loving parent trying to do her best! I hope you and your husband can rely on each other during this time. Take Care!!!!!
There were no surprises. We did make an agreement as to what was expected of him. I actually went to a class (as a guest) last Saturday on parenting and the subject was just that very thing...expectations and consequences. We were told to give no wiggle room. Maybe I should have because that was what put him over the edge. And after he grabbed the old liquor (that we don\'t drink) out of the cabinet...we got rid of the rest. At this point, I just wish someone would call me back. I put in a few calls a few days ago and yesterday. Hopefully, I will hear back today because my son didn\'t come home last night. I have reservations about calling the police again and filing an unruly charge or runaway. This is all so surreal.
I am so sorry you had such a hoorible day. But whatever you think, don\'t think you\'re a loser. You\'re trying your best to be a good mom and help your kids. You\'re doing a great job! They just have a mind of their own now, and it\'s very hard to control them...I could actually only imagine. My 10 year old lately has been acting like a jerk towards me, with all kinds of rude comments, and telling me he hates me when I make him do something. I can only imagine what\'s to come in the next 6-8 years. I really feel for you and with you! I wish I had some advice. I think what you did was the right thing. I think what you learned was the right thing. What you learned in your class makes sense. (In theory, anyway) I\'ll pray that your son will come home today. I pray that he will see the light. When I was in college, I got caught smoking pot and my dad was called. Actually I was doing mushrooms and acid too, but he didn\'t know that. He was very concerned about me and came to visit me in my dorm. We had a long discussion and he said to me \"You can walk in the dark side, but you can\'t live in it.\" At the time I thought that was so stupid. But it\'s always stuck with me in the back of my head, and no matter what I did, I always remembered that and it held me back alot of times when I could have gone further. It surprised me to know he knew about the dark side.
Think positive! It won\'t be like this forever. Much love to you!
WoW! It\'s frightening.
I\'m wondering if at those parenting classes, they advise you to express to your child how YOU feel about what is going on, as well as about him... ...the emotions as well as the practical matters. One thing additional I would say: It seems that something(s) else is going on, none of which could have anything to do with you.. girlfriend, school, teachers, other \"friends..\"
My son went through hell (Among other things, kids pissed on him!) He never told us; we never saw it. We knew he had trouble with \"friendships\" at school, but we did not think it was that bad and he had friends in the neighborhood. We are only lucky that it seems he turned out all right, adjusted and basically happy. I wish for you and yours the best possible during these very difficult times...