Sleep
I don't like sleep anymore. I know I need it and it will come sometimes whether I want it or not, but I don't like it. I've gone as long as 36 hours without it. Maybe its because it seems to be a waste of time, although little is accomplished during the periods missed. Maybe its because I'm out of control during it. Maybe its because it sometimes comes at inopportune times like during a t.v. program I've looked forward to watching. Or maybe its because I've had to change my sleep patterns so many times during my adult life,,,changing for radio shifts,,,work shifts and off work times. Having a sleep schedule for work and a very different one for off work is difficult because there was not a lot of "normal" stuff to do on the work schedule. For example, there's not a lot to do if a 11PM-7AM schedule is followed on days off. At one point, working for a t.v. station, I changed shifts 4 times in a 12 month period. It got to the point that my doctor told me to tell my boss to give me one schedule or I would have to quite. The pressure of changing was hurting me. Developing sleep apnea didn't help things. It was one more problem to overcome. A cpap machine is not the easiest thing to adapt to,,,,wearing a mask which is connected to an air hose that sometimes gets in the way. Being retired hasn't helped. People told me I could sleep any time I wanted, but I'm a creature of habit and need structure. The sleep changes are a little easier now with the change coming on the weekends for grocery shopping and laundry, but its still change. Maybe the biggest problem is the "ritual" I go through to get to sleep,,,sitting on the side of the bed with the mask on,,,,moving over to the center of the bed to get to a pillow for a few seconds,,,turning onto my back,,,turning over the side of the bed to get air conditioning,,,back to my back,,,and finally to the pillow. All this and I still may wake up during the night. I wake up rested for the most part, but not feeling refreshed. I hate sleep.
Replies
Yes, it is an issue for me also. I suppose I have mostly accepted it and try to look beyond to see some quality of life here and there.
((hugs))