I'm sitting here in my messy computer room.  Yall know it's messy because you've seen photos of it.  Let's face it.  I'm a messy person,,,,when it comes to my house.  It's my house.  Not my home.  I don't have a home.  Just a house where I eat and sleep.  It could just as well be a motel room.  I spend more time going to and from work and working than I do in this house.  It bothers Vickie that I don't make up my bed every day.  I do make it up,,,,when I change the linen.  But nobody sees it.  I have no visitors, so why make it up?  I've straightened the computer room many times, but within days or even hours, I try to find something and it gets messy again.  There's just not enough space to keep things in some kind of order.  My personal appearance in public is neat.  My appearance away from the public is messy.  There's nobody here to be neat for.  Foxy doesn't mind.  She runs around naked all the time.  I'm sitting here in a t-shirt and gym shorts.(I know yall wanted to know that.)  The t-shirt has a hole in the front and back, positioned as if I'd been shot.  I'm comfortable.  When I was dating my future wife, she'd call me and want to come by the house.  I'd be sitting in a pair of shorts and t-shirt and my parents got uptight because I wouldn't change clothes.  I told them that since she was going to be my wife, she'd better get used to it.  It's the way I am.  If she didn't like it, she'd better find out now.  I guess when you see me messy, I trust you and care about you.  I guess that means that since I'm typing this dressed as I am, I trust you and care about you.  I've just read your journals and am so thankful I found this place.  Yall inspire me every day.  I feel your pain and worry about you.  Just as yall feel my pain and worry about me.  I just thought of something(that's a scarey thing).  I've written these thoughts many times here.  I've used different words, but the feelings  have always been the same.  I thank God I found you and you found me.  You took a chance on me and stayed with me.  I will be eternally gratefull for your love and support.  God Bless You All.