Well, this is strange. It's a little after 2 Saturday morning and I'm writing a journal. I've wriiten journals this early in the morning before, but not in this place. I'm at work. Oh, I come to this site a few times while I'm work and check my messages, hugbook, and journal comments. But, never write anything of length. I'm here by myself. Not another soul in the building. That's the way it is on Friday and Saturday nights. There's no morning local program on Saturday and Sunday mornings so nobody's needed. But, I've been feeling lonely. I feel lonely most of the time, but since Christmas, it's been really bad. I miss female companionship. The touch, look, and smell of a woman. I miss holding and carressing a woman, and just sitting and talking with one. It's been years since I've had that experience and I miss it. There's a special feeling when I'm with a woman. A feeling like no other. And there's not much chance I'll have that experience for the rest of my life. Only 2 women have truely known me. I married one and I should have married the other. Now, as I have settled in my ways, no woman would want me. And I don't blame them. Who would want a man like me? An old fat, ugly diseased, smoking slob. I wouldn't want anybody live in the house where I live. It's not my home. It's a house where I sleep and eat. But as bad as I am, I still need companionship. It's a need that will never be filled and I must resign myself to it.
Replies
don\'t be so hard on yourself...look at me here up at 4 studying just hoping that someone would be here and you couldn\'t be the person that you describe yourself as. i feel the same way about finding someone to have in my life.. i hope to have someone but have pretty well given up on that thought... you are you and if someone doesn\'t accept you as you are then you don\'t need them in your life... just remember that you are special and you will find what you are looking for when you least expect it...thanks for being a friend when i need one i am here if you are feeling down...jaime
Hey Friend!
I know that I have had the same sort of advice written to me as I am going to write to you. I know when it is written to me I have problems with taking it wholly to heart. Most often I know it is when I am depressed enough to speak out my heart\'s concerns for I have been single as long as a person my age can be single.
But if you can be trustworthy and kind to all you meet. If you can make allowance for the flaws in others. If you can learn to be flexible. If you can keep your mind active. Then you should not despair. I see women partner up with fellows who are old and ...fat and who smoke and have health problems. I have seen it, I see it. Even guys who are 60+.
Now I am a young\'n of only 49.5 years, but when depressed I see the romantic world much as you do for many similar reasons. But I keep hope of finding a first love still.
Those things I suggested, I know they are not easy. When you live by yourself for so long, you do get set in your ways. That is why you have to take an active effort to learn to be flexible. Then you can be responsive and I think that is even something that most will find attractive.
Me. I am working on my weight again, on my fitness, and I hope some health issues will improve. But a woman I want to meet would accept me the way I am, I figure as well as how I want to be. They will accept my failures and my successes. Because I have many.
If you look, I know you have your own successes. I am not sure how you are at finding and knowing them.
Take Care,
~ Darrell
BTW, any guy who can write like you has a huge advantage! How many women complain that they can\'t find a guy who can communicate. You can communicate!
I am hoping the words of Darrell Wade give you hope. Real love between partners has nothing to do with body size, it\'s the kindness of the heart. I enjoy so much your journals and stories, I can see you have many good traits. (except for smokin\', LOL ) sue
Mike, I would never discount how you feel. I will, however, say that I wish you\'d reconsider the possibility of finding a good woman companion. If you put yourself out there and just be yourself, I truly believe you could meet someone who is worthy of a romantic, quick-witted, sentimental, warm hearted, compassionate soul such as yourself. Let Foxy help you - take her to a park and women will flock to you! :-)