Life
We go through life, and some of us go through things that we shouldn't have to consider at a young age. By the time i was 9 I was cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my animals, and my family more than they were me. I have been pretty independent since. Yes I do still live with my mom and dad but I have held down a job since about 16, and still manage to hold down two jobs at 19. Recently alot of things h ave been popping in my head about relationships. I have been talking to my aunt who normally I would never talk to because she was the kind of outcasted person in the family the person who steals, lies, and etc. I've come to really open up to her. This is not a bad thing because she does give wiser than wise advice. Some of it the same as others have given me and some new. I don't try to act like I'm something I'm not.... but I feel i'm much more alive behind a screen and i feel this is just a device that hinders me. So lately I've been having thoughts about asking my old (not my ) resident advisor on a date....As great as that sounds I noticed that I'm not even sure what to say. I mean I am sure. But... my fear for once is not rejection.
Throughout our first semester I did ask her if she was Bi and she said yes. Now I don't have a problem with bi. But some people tend to lean toward one sex more than another. and that's the feel I get towards her. Usually around us she talked about sex with guys. How she wanted her husband to tell her to do stuff and be in the kitchen all the time and be a house wife. What baffles me is that she is in the army. Which i can see that, that would give her the commands she wanted but at the same time she's also risen to a new rank as of this semester. So I wonder by asking her out if I will get to a deeper level of her ideas or it will be the same hidden person she is. If she is going to be the same hidden person I'm thinking why bother? But then again my confidence in me is saying maybe you can find out what is really going on in side of her. I know some girls consider themselves bi if they get drunk and kiss a girl or something of that nature... and I just feel that might be more of her case. But who am i to judge?
Then again many times I am told I'm young. and that I need not look for relationships. That is also fine. I know I don't need anyone in my life to make me happy. I just know at this time I want to start before I find myself to far into my life still hiding behind that same little scared me. I guess it is more of a want than a need... but there are times that the presence and touch of another can set you free. While I do have 2 other people in my life.... one who lives in florida and one that is closer by. I feel that i should start a foundation here.... in person... that way if those work out and someone else doesn't when i meet them I'm not just awkward i will be open and talk. At the same time i also know when i get around someone it takes me a few minutes to warm up.. and then I don't shutup.... Most of this makes no since. I'm sure.... but it was what is going on inside of me and i felt like sharing..
With the heart comes big responsibilities,
Melissa
Throughout our first semester I did ask her if she was Bi and she said yes. Now I don't have a problem with bi. But some people tend to lean toward one sex more than another. and that's the feel I get towards her. Usually around us she talked about sex with guys. How she wanted her husband to tell her to do stuff and be in the kitchen all the time and be a house wife. What baffles me is that she is in the army. Which i can see that, that would give her the commands she wanted but at the same time she's also risen to a new rank as of this semester. So I wonder by asking her out if I will get to a deeper level of her ideas or it will be the same hidden person she is. If she is going to be the same hidden person I'm thinking why bother? But then again my confidence in me is saying maybe you can find out what is really going on in side of her. I know some girls consider themselves bi if they get drunk and kiss a girl or something of that nature... and I just feel that might be more of her case. But who am i to judge?
Then again many times I am told I'm young. and that I need not look for relationships. That is also fine. I know I don't need anyone in my life to make me happy. I just know at this time I want to start before I find myself to far into my life still hiding behind that same little scared me. I guess it is more of a want than a need... but there are times that the presence and touch of another can set you free. While I do have 2 other people in my life.... one who lives in florida and one that is closer by. I feel that i should start a foundation here.... in person... that way if those work out and someone else doesn't when i meet them I'm not just awkward i will be open and talk. At the same time i also know when i get around someone it takes me a few minutes to warm up.. and then I don't shutup.... Most of this makes no since. I'm sure.... but it was what is going on inside of me and i felt like sharing..
With the heart comes big responsibilities,
Melissa
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