Just woke up @ 11:30am. It was a rough night for me. Mom is dying of cancer and she's slowly slipping away. I wish for her sake she could let go but she's still holding on. I couldn't sleep last night at all. When I called her last night she said she cooked "something" for dinner but couldn't remember what it was. She's in a nursing home now and thought she had made her own dinner. I can hear the pain in her voice. I don't think I could have held on as long as she has. She's such a fighter! I'm going to spend 3 days w/ her on Feb 2 -4. I hope she remembers our visit.

My Husband has been very supportive and I don't know what I'd do without his hugs and strength right now. I see the side of him I fell in love with 15 years ago. It just doesn't seem possible that he could have hurt me as much as he did. I'm trying real hard not to remain the victim and move on but sometimes old thoughts & feelings resurface and the pain comes back. Does anyone ever fully heal from the betrayal? We were very intimate physically when he first returned and now we're back to that place we used to be in before he had his affair. I think I may have used sex to win him back and it was "BETTER" than it ever was for us in years and now NOTHING again.