I feel like writing although I have nothing profound to say. The last few days I have been thinking about how life just goes on. Nomatter what happens the days keep passing by. I have been thinking about birth and death. Two things that have been going on sense the beginning of time and how we are still amazed by them, and surprised each time that it happens.I feel like the excitement of my "issue" has passed now. Now the days just pass and nobody thinks of it but me. In some ways I am thankful for that. I dont like to be the girl with all the problems having my family and friends feeling sorry for me but in some ways it makes me sad because it is real now. I know it was real when I first found out that I had a translocation but it didnt really sink in until all the excitment went away. Now I just have to live with it.We tried to get pregnant last month... no luck and its just about time to start trying again. I guess Im scared. Im scared of how hard its going to be to get pregnant. I am facing the fact that I may have to go through a ton of miscarriages, but I have to get pregnant to do that and I dont want to worry about getting pregnant.I feel so totally out of control. I feel like there should be something that I can do, but there isnt anything to do but wait.... wait wait wait. I know life is fast but it sure doesnt seem like it right now. All I do is wait. Wait to do the bd wait to see of my period comes, wait to buy a pregnancy test, wait until my period comes, wait for it to leave, then wait two weeks to bd again.... wait wait wait.Im just feeling a little discouraged. I have not been praying as much and I know that isnt helping me at all. I just feel alone I guess.I love thanksgiving and I do have so much to be thankful for, maybe I will just keep thinking about that. I can get myself depressed so easily. i just cant let my mind take me there. So let me see positive thoughts....I cant wait to see my older sister and her little ones! She lives in Charlotte NC and she is making a surprise visit this weekend! i cant wait and were going to celebrate my little neice Lacy's B-day at my house. im excited my sister has not seen our new home yet! I am making a cake and decorating, its going to be so fun! i love to have a house full of people.Okay that was a happy thought so I feel a little better... :)
Replies
Glad to hear from you. The pregnant issue I know the last time I got pregnant was when my hubbie and I rented a hotel room, had a nice night out and just had a great time enjoying each other. I knew of course that I was ovulating but tried my hardest NOT to concentrate on it and it worked. I have heard from so many to do something fun and something will happen.
I am happy that you will get to see your sister and her little ones. The cake sounds yummy.
Happy Thanksgiving if I don\'t catch you before then.
I have only been thru one loss (well as far as losing a child) and I can\'t imagine the feelings you must have already having gone thru it more than once. I do however fear everyday that with any of my future IVF cycles that the same thing is going to happen. But, we can\'t think about it that way. We will have our time as mommies, we will be grateful, very thankful when we finally have a healthy child. Keep your faith...as you said in your previous posts...the Lord will get you thru...He will sustain you. You are in my prayers and that will not change. I hope your Thanksgiving is a nice one despite everything. God Bless.
You are certainly not alone :) I know that doesn\'t really help how you feel, but I hope you get some comfort from it. I feel the exact same you do. I was just about to journal about it myself :)