Today I am mad at every cell in my body.  I am mad because each and every cell that makes me is abnormal.  This abnormalty is what wont allow my pregnancies to progress.  My Dr. called it a lethal abnormalty which means each time I pass it I kill my baby.  I have a less than 25% chance of ever creating a child of my own that can actually live. I know I was born this way.  I know its gentic.  I have 3 sisters who all have babies so why is it just genetic for me?  Not that I would ever wish that on them but I just keep thinking ... how does this happen?  How did we not know before?I wanted so badly to hear something was wrong that my dr could help me with.  There is no help for me.  This is what I am.  I feel like a mutant.  I just feel sick and very sad but I cant even cry I just feel nothing I guess.Im at work and I dont feel like smiling at one more person.  Its not just babies and pregnant mommies that make me sad now.  Its every human who I know has a child... I wonder if they are thankful for there cells?I have cell envy, who would have thought.I just pray that God can help me understand and accept this.  I feel selfish and mean right now but I just dont know how else to feel.Im sure others have it worse.  Thats what everyone keeps telling me , it could be worse.  But its not worse this is what it is , and it really sucks and totally breaks my heart.