I don’t usually vent in this journal. I usually save my thoughts for my handwritten journal that I have kept sense the 6th grade. Its really neat to go back in the yrs and see how much I have grown. That’s what I love about keeping a journal. I guess I just need to talk right now.I have been so excited because I am opening my own daycare. I think if* I cant have my own children at least that way I could spend time with other peoples kiddos, right?! Everything was just peachy until a family member was like : " Isn’t it going to bother you to play with other people’s children, when you can’t have any of your own?" I was like well no, not until you said that!It actually doesn’t bother me at all. I just think she had a lot of nerve saying that. Me hating other people for their ability to have children does not resolve any of my issues. Its just wasted energy and is hurtful to not only them but myself. I don’t want to be that kind of person. My dream of having a daycare has nothing to do with that fact that I have had 3 miscarriages. I want to have a daycare because I love children. I love to play. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to cook. I love crafts. In owning my own daycare I could do these things that I love everyday!My biggest problem is telling my current employer the news. I really like my job that I have now but it is stressful and my duties are undefined. They are a great employer and have been very good to me. I feel that with all the testing and stress that it would be better for me to spend more time at home. I need to feel more relaxed and while I realize it will be stressful with the kids sometimes it will be a different kind of stress.Should I just say hey I am having some health problems and this just isn’t working out or what? UHHHHH!! Why do I have to feel so guilty all the time? My boss is coming down to my office today and I know that he is going to talk about the future and I feel really bad misleading him that I am going to be here when I know that Im not! I hate to disappoint people. I cant say no, and I really hate that about myself. I wish I was more assertive but I don’t know how to be!!!Oh well I got all that off my chest! Please leave any advice that may be helpful! Love Ya’ll!
Replies
Well I think that it will be great for you to have a daycare! Then when you do have a baby (and I know that you will) you will be able to spend all day with your child until he/she goes off to school! I really think you should go for it. And don\'t feel guilty about your boss. Bosses understand that most people move on in life in their career and they shouldn\'t begrudge you that. They should be happy for you and realize that you are just moving on in your life. I think that it will be fine. You are probably stressing over something that is a non-issue. And don\'t worry about that family member. That was super insensitive. Next time you see em give em a nice little smack for me!!
How long before you thing you\'re going to open the daycare? I think that is really courageous of you to open your own business. I also believe everything happens for a reason. Just like you I have had 3 MCs, still TTC. As far as your job, depending on when you are thinking about quiting, I would be fair to them. You don\'t want to just up and leave them in a bind. Give them time to find someone who can replace you. Everything will work out for you. Realizing you have too much stress in your life is just the first step. I had to figure that out too.
I think a daycare is a great idea if that\'s your passion. As far as letting your employer know of this I think you should just be honest and let them know that your heart is leading you in a different direction especially with all that you have been through. Don\'t feel bad about especially if you know this is what is best. Maybe a fresh start is exactly what you need. I hope you don\'t mind me asking this but have you found out that you are unable to carry a baby to term. Your posting just sounded so final. Until you find out for certain try to stay possitive and hopeful. If it is final then know that you must have been meant for other things. Even though it may be hard. As far as the family members comment it was incredibaly insensitive and I would dismiss it as well as them. They should just know better. Stay strong and know I\'m thinking of you.
I think your wonderful, you outlook on everything is very uplifting and amazing! And a daycare will be wonderful! It will give you lots of mommy experience for when its your time!
Don\'t worry about your boss, he will understand, or he should understand! If not then he needs to realize that its time to further yourself!
Good Luck Hun and Lots of LUv