A letter to my babesEthan, Mason, & EllieThese are the names that I would have gave you, Ethan Dean, Mason Edward, Ellie May. This is the first time that I have decided to deal with this loss.  I am sad because I will never get to hold you in this life.  I am happy because Daddy is willing to work with me and my Doctor to see whats going on.I always try to make sense of why this keeps happening to me.  Why I cant just have a baby like everyone else.  Grandma says that everybody carries a cross, this is mine.  God wouldnt give it to me if he didnt know that I can handle this.I think that I will be the happiest mommy the day I have a child or the day I die.  I say the day I die because I know that you will be in waiting at the gates for me.  I cant wait to see what you look like!  Ethan you are four years old now I hope youre taking care of you brother and sister.  Mason you are two, I hope that you have met your Grandma Fuller, I know she is will take care of you.  Ellie girl youre just about a month little girl I wanted you so badly.Here is my state of thinking.  I believe that I make perfect babies.  They are so perfect God needs them with him, to be his angels.  Im sure that each of you are beautiful.  I wish I knew all the funny things you do.  I wish I could sing you to sleep at night, but I believe you know all that.  I believe you know me just as well as I have come to know you without ever seeing eachothers face.I love you all and take care until we can play together someday!