in the last three days i have had about 10 hours of sleep i am hoping know that the fourth of july is over that it will get better for me. last night the fireworks went on for hours. i was jumpy and back in nam. i love my country but hate that holiday because of what it does to me. i wish we could celebrate the birthday of are country with out firecrackers and fireworks. i know i am not alone with this all the people in my ptsd group fell the same way as i do about this holiday. if i ever became president i would ban all firecrackers and fireworks in this country. i know all vets and people who serve in the military that have ptsd would cheer the passage of that law but most people in this country would likely hate me because of it they love there firecrackers and fireworks. i know i did when i was a kid this was my favorit holiday before i served in nam. i am not unpatholitic i just can't stand that terrible noise. i will be doing a story in vietnam vets like i have in military history. how we provoked the vietnamess to fire on the uss maddox and the uss turner joy we were both spy ships. i served aboard the uss maddox. we were close in to shore just bagging for their boats to come out and attack us and they did. it was a senlous war that we should have never gotten in to.