my face soing that i him excellent is a lie. i him really horrible i him having a rough time with my ptsd. i haven't been out of my apartment since march 1st. the doctor has me on sleeping pills that is also suppouse to help with the night mares its early morning before the kick in than i sleep untill late afternoon. my therpist is coming out on frieday. she want's me to go to the kansas va hospital were they have a program for ptsd. it is a niety day program don't know if i want to spend three months in the hospital but something needs to be done. i him issolating not execising,or going to my aa meetings. i him really angry i hate myself and wish that i was dead. so i think after my parent's leave and they have a bed i will go i will miss all of you at ds. i need to do something to help myself they make you relive the war experience. so it will be different than the three treatments i have at desmoines were they teach you how to live with  it i need to try something differnt this time i don't think a fourth time with desmoines fourty five day program will help me. i will turn the face to the truth for once it will go to horrible with is the truth.