3 years. I said nothing. Until I did the day after and he just dismissed me saying that he does not pay attention to dates.
We went to the beach again for our family vacation. Fun. Good fun. I caught myself saying "this is my favorite time of day" as we snuggled up to each other in bed and he reached out to hold my hand. As the statement sat in the air, I realized how awful that statement really was. At no time during our real daytime life do I feel content. Ever.
We can't go out and have fun because fun for adults apparently means you have to drink. He has hurt me so badly when he drank too much so many times that I literally feel my stomach tighten when I see him get a drink.
Over the past year, we have been out about 8x, maybe, and only 2 of those nights did not end up with his overdrinking.
Daily interaction can go from comfortable to complete stand off because of how u respond to something he says. He corrects how I explain things or cuts me off. I told him that I am just over it.
We are now in a stand off. I can't leave and I can't be happy staying. This has been on and off since Christmas.
There is no advice to give that I haven't given myself. I know if j left that I would miss him. But I am thinking I would miss the him he promised to me the beginning of 2013, not the him or us that is now.
I guess I have to just learn to quit complaining. If In not going to leave, and I can't fix something about me to make it better, I need to find my happy medium and smile for my kids.
We went to the beach again for our family vacation. Fun. Good fun. I caught myself saying "this is my favorite time of day" as we snuggled up to each other in bed and he reached out to hold my hand. As the statement sat in the air, I realized how awful that statement really was. At no time during our real daytime life do I feel content. Ever.
We can't go out and have fun because fun for adults apparently means you have to drink. He has hurt me so badly when he drank too much so many times that I literally feel my stomach tighten when I see him get a drink.
Over the past year, we have been out about 8x, maybe, and only 2 of those nights did not end up with his overdrinking.
Daily interaction can go from comfortable to complete stand off because of how u respond to something he says. He corrects how I explain things or cuts me off. I told him that I am just over it.
We are now in a stand off. I can't leave and I can't be happy staying. This has been on and off since Christmas.
There is no advice to give that I haven't given myself. I know if j left that I would miss him. But I am thinking I would miss the him he promised to me the beginning of 2013, not the him or us that is now.
I guess I have to just learn to quit complaining. If In not going to leave, and I can't fix something about me to make it better, I need to find my happy medium and smile for my kids.
Replies
You may not want to leave, you may have more reasons to stay than to go, but you CAN leave.
Have you considered legal separation unless/until he gets help for his problems? It gives him the chance to correct things but also gets you out of emotional, financial, and physical danger (which are all present when someone drinks too much - trust me, I know - both parents were alcoholics.)
There are ALWAYS choices. ALWAYS. I didn\'t believe I could leave, either, but after I started seriously looking into \"plan B\" after finding out about my husband\'s affair, I realized that even though it wasn\'t ideal, I could leave and I would be perfectly fine if I did. Honestly? That\'s what gave me the courage to stay: knowing I COULD leave if he effed up again.
*hugs* You deserve better and if he\'s not willing or able to give it, you deserve the chance to seek it elsewhere.
Take care of you.
Thanks, Allora. Day to day....