well.... here i am again...... still not much goin on...... meds are still keeping me up and i found out that i can't meletonin...... it sux not having insurance because that means i have to go to a clinic for my meds and because of that i have no neurologist and so can't change meds....... i can't get professional help through the clinic and it's so hard to schedule an appointment with the health department.......... i wish that i could get out of my dead end job but unfortunately everyone outside of retail wants experience or education and i can't get education til;l i get a better job and i can't get experience without someone hiring me and if i look for a retail job i would have to have flexible hours to get decent hours..... i'm getting more stressed and more pissed by the day and also more disheartened....... i know i'm complaining and i know that people have it worse than me but i just needed to get that off my chest..... my depression seems to be on in the background...... i seem to be trying to fool myself into thinking that i'm completely happy...... there are some days i don't even think i'm depressed till i give my self time to think.... and then i tend to depress myself with derogatory comments to myself..... help! someone! i need a hug really badly!
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Hey NC,
Time for hard love...yes deppression plays a huge role in your life HOWEVER, do not allow it control your life. You need to stop making excuses, and get moving. Yes, life has it\'s terrible ups and downs, and when it comes down to it...where there\'s a will there\'s a way. SO , to put it plain and simple...I do care about you as a friend, which is why I had to tell it to ya straight. Make things happen for yourself..don\'t make excuses. If you can\'t go to school full time, take 1 class a semester, or take an online class, or take a weekend or Saturday class at a community college. Also, you\'re right there are people worse off...but you are very smart...you seem well versed in computers...can you seek a job at a library, or at a chain supermarket? Look for jobs that pay for college. I wish you much luck NC, and I wouldn\'t tell you the truth if I didn\'t care about you. You\'ve got the power to change your life. Do the best that you can with your life, and MAKE THINGS WORK. Email me anytime you feel like hearing it straight. I know I can come across as very straight forward and outspoken...and yes, that is my style. If you have the thought that you might not want to hear it straight...my style, I think it\'s because you might already know what I might say...but who knows, I might surprise you. I\'m here for you friend. Love Cali
P.S. All the things you mentioned that you CANNOT do..are also known as the ViCioUs CyClE! The more you look for garbage...all you\'re going to find is trash. What I mean by that is that if you are poking around, looking for excuses to not go to college, or to not get things working for you....the more that you\'ll find trash..which in this case, would be excuse after excuse.
I have a poem that I learned back in my college days...it\'s very special to me, and I\'m sharing it with you because I know an excuse when I see one... Remember, this my tough love for you NC.
\"Excuses\"
Excuses, excuses,
Excuses are monuments of nothingness,
Which lead to a bridge of no where,
Those who use this tool of incompetence, amount to nothing.
NC I really do care for you. Remember, tough love my friend...tough love.