Forgiveness

I feel a little forgiveness coming. It's such a powerful emotion and it seems that I can't create it. It's not a feeling that I can generate. It comes from deep inside me somewhere. I'm learning that if I want to forgive then I have to put some energy into that desire and it shows up when it's ready to show up.

I am feeling forgiveness coming for myself. I feel that all of the self-hatred that I've had over the last few years (because of gambling) has just contributed to my gambling problem. I've been ready to forgive myself but it just didn't seem to come... until now.

I am truly sorry for all of the things that I did. I am trying to make amends to everyone that I hurt and to be real, I hurt myself the most. I am trying to make amends with myself. I am trying to accept this new identity that I have. I am not perfect. I am not the strongest or the smartest or the most disciplined. I am not the kindest, the sweetest or the most fair person alive today. What I am is enough. I am kind enough. I am smart enough. I am strong enough. I am human. I have flaws. That's okay. I made mistakes and will make more.

I deserve forgiveness. That's a new concept for me. There are lots of new concepts in my life right now. My life will never be the same. This addiction has changed me. I am starting to believe that I am changed for the better.