Friday, February 29, 2008

The sun is shining here around 50 light wind I went to the cemetary I had a couple of pictures lamanated and got flat plastic frames they look beautiful they say with me lamanating them they will not fade and no mositure will get in.I cleaned his headstone I bet the people at the office think I'm a crazy old lady.I have windex,paper towels and a toothbrush.There's alot of clay here so his headstone gets dirty when it rains.It is just beautiful when his headstone shines.This week I've been missing Justin very much.I just go hide and cry until theirs no tears left.My family understands that I'm coping with Justin's death differently then them.I've noticed I'm a quiet person now I just listen to people talk.Sometimes I find myself not even listening.I'm such a different person now I will never be that happy go lucky Vicki again.Well Justin's one year of being gone is March 21st it will be different that day. A day that will haunt me the rest of my life.I'm sure I'll relive that day at 4:00 pm God I hated that call.My life ended that day I just feel so hollow inside like I have no feelings.Even when my family wants to get out and go to the nature center or a park or just drive around I have no emotions I go but I'm so quiet.I don't know if this new life I'm living is fair to my husband and children.Maybe one day I'll understand myself as time goes by.Thanks for reading my journal hugs to all.jfm24,Vicki