Well another day is almost over and I'm still here.I was very busy today running errands it was good to keep my mind on something else.Justin will be gone 9 months Friday doesn't seem that long.My heart still aches and probably will the rest of my life.The grief is so intense can't control my feelings just to hear Justin's name brings me to my knees.I had Justin with my first husband I divorced his father when he was 5.I met a wonderful man mike we have been married 19 years.For the first 7 years I only had Justin oh how i loved him.He was a wonderful son I had that 7 years to just focus on him we bonding togather I didn't think I could love somebody that much it was a different love a special gift from God.I then married mike and we had a beautiful baby girl(ashli) another gift from God.I couldn't believe God gave me 2 beautiful babies to take care of.Then 7 years later I had another baby girl(rebecca) I was so blessed what a beautiful family I had.We started going to church and all my babies were saved and they all belived in God and loved Him.When Justin was 17 he got mad at me because he didn't like my rules.He moved in with his father and all hell broke loose.Justin had no rules with his dad.I think his dad introduced him to smoking pot and started smoking cigarattes. I tried so hard to get Justin to move back in with me.I noticed he was changing he was partying all the time.He then met a girl Alicia and fell in love they had a baby boy(Braden) he grew up alot quit partying.He loved Braden so much I said that God gave him Braden so he could grow up and be a good father.He was the greatest father.Then somewhere along the way he started taking his Father's pain medicine and got hooked.He ask me for help but I didn't know what to do he couldn't go into rehab because he had to work.One day he told me he quit taking them and he did good for about a month and then on March 21,2007 he died from a accidental overdose of methadone.I died that day to i'm not the same person I was before.My life now is dark and full of sadness.I miss my Justin so much I think why did God take him from me I thought I was doing everything right.I was a very loving mother that taught my children to believe in their selves and always pray to God to guide them down the right road.I feel like I failed justin he was the most loving man that would give his last dime to a stranger.I just now have memories of him  and can't wait to see him again one day. I will always have  a broken heart the rest of my life.I just wish the pain would go away,hugs,jfm24,vicki now