I need to be honest, all of you have showed your love,hugs flowers.encouragement and your stories.I do know how all you feel.But here lately when I get on DS I feel cold and sad.You all share your memories and I adore them all.you say believe he's in a better place, Or left God lead you.I haven't been to church in almost 2 years last 3 churches we belonged to have seperated.I believe in God and I know Justin was saved.My memories of Justin in his childhood are very foggy.I knew Justin had a problem with pain medication but not methadone why would God let something happen to the best of us?I know it's not that we are strong and can handle it cause I can't understand anything right now.I have no clue what kind of person I am know I do not answer the phone I try to stay home as must as possible.I sometimes blame myself for Justin's death he did come to me a month before he died and told me he needed help he had been taking his father's pain medication and then found out after he died he would take 8 at a time my nephew told me that I said why didn't you tell me I guess I'm trying to say that I blocked it out. when Justin told me that we talked about it and he quit for a month.I thought he was clean and trying to get his life in order but I guess I was wrong.All he's friends knew it but not one came to me.Did they think it was ok what he was doing or did they just not care.I haven't seen or heard from any of his childhood friends .You all talk about your childs friends keeping in touch.I admire that.I'm sure I'll be around.Thanks for listening to me for a minute.jfm24,VickiIn Memory OfJustin F Mitchell6-30-1982--3-21-2007Love you Son.
Replies
i feel ur heartache...and im huggin u tight walking with you...i do understand what ur saying...and i cried as i read ur journal...
they say cody OD\'ed...but autospy report said very little drugs in system ...had a heart attack...he suffered severly......i wish he would have called me...im fallin apsrt ...cos i still cant believe he is gone...gona b 18 months the 20th...i miss him so much...ur not alone with ur pain...i have good days and bad,,,,,,here lately all bad...love u and here for you...and still with the question of why!!
Vicki - please feel me standing close, lean on me and know that I physically feel your pain. Sean had been in a methadone program four years and was doing well. He decided to try to go it alone, stopped going in April, and shot himself in June. He believed he would always be a \"junkie\" and would rather die than live that way.
I don\'t have any answers for you, I can\'t really give you any words of encouragement, other than to say that talking about it to anyone who will listen, does help a little.
If you want to give me your home email address, I\'ll respond so you\'ll have mine. You can write to me any time day or night. When we meet again next month, we can exchange phone numbers if you wish.
love and hugs,
connie
Vicki, I don\'t think feeling guilty about his death really helps-let it go! I had alot of guilt about my dad\'s death-thinking maybe I could have helped him more as he died of cancer and maybe I should have been nicer to him,etc..., but the guilt doesn\'t do anything but just make you feel worse. I know that support of famiy and friends helped me alot when I was grieving over his death, also trying to distract myself with various activities helped too. Take care-you are in my thoughts and prayers!:0)
I remember a point in time on here when reading everyone else\'s journal only made me sadder and sadder, thinking about so many mothers in pain on here, so many tragic and senseless losses of our children. It upset me for a while, and it wasn\'t helping me, but in time, as I continued to read, that black phase passed over and I began to see how much everyone on here wants to and is able to help each other, and that kept me reading, and meeting more and more people on here who have helped me. I can understand what you are saying, about it making you sad. It is sad. We are all sad. Don\'t give up on here just yet. There is someone here to help you feel better, or who needs your help. There is something that drew you to this place, and there is a purpose here. Hugs to you, my friend.